Equivalent Exchange
by T.E. Takeuchi
Summary: It's been exactly two years since Tara's death and a lot has changed in Willow's life. But when she finds a way of combining magick with the science of Alchemy, she may just be able to bring back her dead lover- but at what cost? Post S7.
1. The Science of Magick

**Disclaimer:** Yay, my second Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfic! This one is a chapter fic, and it's sort of a cross-over with FullMetal Alchemist, but not really. I've just used some of the principles behind the idea of Alchemy in that universe. There's no characters, story, or plot involved with FMA, just Buffy. This is based off the end of Season seven, and is kind of an alternate to the comics, I guess. This was just a thought I had, I know it doesn't really fit the canon but I thought it seemed like a legit idea. SO, thanks for reading!

I do not own Buffy or FMA, or any characters related to them.

* * *

><p><em>Two years<em>, Willow thought. _Tomorrow, it'll have been two years since Tara died._

She sighed and sat back, folding her arms over her chest and staring out the window into the dark city. After Sunnydale has collapsed into the Hellmouth, closing it forever, Buffy and company had driven to the only place they knew someone would take them in: L.A. and Angel. But Angel had been busy, and Buffy had wanted to put as much distance between her and Angel as possible. So once everyone had recuperated (after about a week or so) everyone had piled onto a plane and headed off to Englang, with Giles; once there, Giles had decided to start rebuilding a new Watchers Council, with the help of Xander and Andrew, while Willow, Buffy, and Dawn tried to locate all the new Slayers that were popping up, in order to give them guidance, and build a league to fight the evils in the world. They had started out by renting a large operations base in the outskirts of Sussex, where everyone lived as well.

After enough time had passed, and no one seemed to want to go anywhere, they decided to get actual housing. Giles moved back to his ranch in the country side, and Willow, Buffy, and Dawn bought a nice town home not far away. Xander bought a small apartment a few blocks down from their place, and sometimes Willow wondered if he was lonely. Before they had bought their cozy town home, Kennedy had wanted her and Willow to get their own place; but Willow hadn't wanted to, and in turn, pushed the new Slayer away. Kennedy ended up leaving England and going back to America, and Willow hadn't heard from her in over 6 months.

In those six months, Willow had finished up University on a scholarship to Cambridge, gotten a job at a local Ancient History Museum and Library, and was on her way to becoming a Magick Artifacts Archeologist. Things seemed to be looking up.

Willow sighed again and leaned forward, putting her forehead in her hands. Her hair dangled around her face, and after sitting there for a few moments, she glanced sideways. On her desk lay the rectangular piece of paper; her plane ticket back to America.

* * *

><p>It was early in the morning, the sky still grey with pre-day sunlight. Willow crept quietly down the hall way, a small bag on her back, the ticket clutched softly in her hand. She made it out of the house and into the small taxi without waking anyone, and as the car pulled away, all Willow could do was stare back at the house.<p>

When she arrived at the airport, she tipped the driver and then waved him off, checking her watch as she turned around. _Almost time_, she thought, as her watch read 6:32 am.

She rustled through the airport quickly, having memorized it from the last time she was there, and stopped momentarily to get some coffee. She easily made it to her gate on time and boarded quickly, settling into her seat, which was a window seat. She yawned, and leaned back, closing her eyes. This was going to be a long flight.

* * *

><p>The light that trickled into the room danced across Dawn's face, waking her from her warm slumber. She yawned, stretching, and shoved the sheets off of herself. She took in a big breath, and with it, smelt the warm cooking of pancakes. An excited smile spread across her face and she tugged on some pants, hurrying downstairs.<p>

"Morning!" she chirped as she slid into the kitchen. Buffy was at the stove, cooking said pancakes, still in her pajamas and robe.

"Morning," she said back to Dawn, turning around and sliding some more pancakes onto the plate of cooked and ready to eat ones. "Where's Willow?" she asked, looking around. "She never sleeps in later than nine."

Dawn shrugged, grabbing a fresh pancake and taking a bite. "Dunno," she said, mouth full. Buffy frowned at her and Dawn swallowed, giving her an innocent grin. "Fine, I'll go check," she said and scampered off, heading back up the stairs, taking them in two.

When she reached Willow's room, she knocked on the door. "Hey, Willow! Buffy made pancakes!" she said, waving the pancake in front of her door. When there was no answer, she knocked again. "Willow?"

Immediate suspicion came to Dawn, even though there hadn't been any major battles in the past few years, since the Hellmouth in Sunnydale incident. But she couldn't help the odd feeling churning in her stomach.

"Hey, Willow, you in there?" Without waiting for an answer, she turned the knob and opened the door; but all the greeted her was an empty room. She poked her head in, gazing around. "Willow?"

* * *

><p>Buffy had just finished making all the pancakes when Dawn came back into the kitchen. "She's not in her room," Dawn said.<p>

Buffy shrugged again. "Probably went out, let's not worry about it," she said, and held up the plate. "Eat up, there's plenty!" But inside, Buffy had a sinking feeling that Willow wasn't 'just out'.

* * *

><p>It was an 8 hour plane ride, and Willow had cast a small spell on herself in order to sleep through it all and not feel jet lagged when she woke up. As she exited the plane, clutching the handles of her backpack tightly, she gazed around conspicuously. She wasn't in California, but she didn't need to be; Pennsylvania was close enough.<p>

She headed towards the nearest exit and found an empty alley, where she pulled her backpack off, and pulled out a small book. She opened it to a page that had scribbles of words on it, and then glanced around, checking to make sure the area was clear. When she was sure it was she chanted the words she had written down, closing her eyes.

And when she opened them again, she was standing in front of the giant chasm that used to be Sunnydale.

Cautiously, Willow took a step forward; then another, and another, until she was almost at the edge. There, she sat down, pulled her pack off, and set it beside her. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, trying not to think about the fact that the hole in front of her used to be the town she grew up in. "Tara…" she muttered, her voice wavering as she tried to hold back tears. "I'm here."

Willow reached down and pulled a few things from her bag: a small vase, a pack of red sand, and a small vile of purple liquid. She set the vase down in front of her, then opened the bag of sand. As she slowly sifted it into the jar, she began to chant in a low voice, under her breath.

"_Earth, fallen, hiding treasures of past lost, reverse the flow of time, give back what was once mine,_" she muttered, and poured the last bit of sand in. She then picked up the vile and opened it, slowly pouring the contents into the vase as she continued her chant. "_Restore the body's earthen glow; retrieve it from heaven's flow, placed upon my hands up palm, the box that holds the body calm._"

As she finished off the chant, she finished pouring the liquid in and red smoke began billowing from the vase. It rose up in to the sky, then spiraled back towards the earth, searching for the object it was commanded to find. It burrowed down in a spot, far off in the distance from Willow, and for a moment nothing happened. Then the smoke began to recede, pulling up with it, a large, rectangular box, covered in soot and dirt. The smoke wrapped around it and began to travel back towards the vase, and Willow. Willow stood up shakily and held out her hand, palm facing up; she blinked, waiting for the object to come to her.

When it did, it hovered in front of her; it was a casket, scratched, dented, and damaged from the collapsing of the town. The smoke billowed up slowly and enshrouded the casket, wrapping around it like a blanket, encasing it softly in a warm glow. As it did, the casket began to shrink until it was the perfect size to fit in Willow's palm, who slowly, carefully, reached out, her whole body shaking; she wrapped her fingers around it and closed her hand, pulling her arm in close to her body, cradling the shrunken casket to her chest.

A single tear slid down Willow's cheek.

* * *

><p>It was late, really late, when Willow finally made it back to her small town home in England that she shared with Buffy and Dawn. She opened the door and slipped in quietly, closing the door as softly as she could, so as not to wake anyone up. When she was sure the door was shut all the way she turned around to head upstairs-<p>

-and nearly ran straight into Buffy.

"B-buffy!" she exclaimed, trying to keep her voice stable. "Wh-what're you doing up?" she asked.

Buffy arched an eye brow at her, her blue eyes staring straight into Willow. "Wasn't tired," she said plainly. "So, where've you been all day?" she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

Willow shrugged and tried to fake a smile. "Oh, you know, around. Running errands, doing England-y stuff…" she said, wringing her hands together. Buffy cocked her head and arched her eyebrow at Willow again, this time glancing at the pack Willow was carrying.

"Really…well, welcome back," Buffy said, dropping her arms and backing away. "I'm gonna head to bed now. You should get some sleep, too," she said, examining Willow, "you look tired."

Willow nodded quickly. "Y-yeah, I am. Tired! That is…." she stammered, and followed Buffy up the stairs, stopping off at the first floor, where her room was.

"Night, Will," Buffy said, passing by her. Willow jumped a little, having gotten caught up in her thoughts on the way up the stairs.

"N-night," she said back, then slipped into her room and closed the door- and locked it.

Willow turned around and put her back against the door, leaning her head back, breathing heavily. She pulled her hand out of her pocket and uncurled her fingers, revealing the small casket. "Tara…" she whispered, her voice ghostly. "We're home…"

* * *

><p>"By Willow, we'll be back later!" Buffy shouted up the stairs. Dawn was behind her, pulling on her shoes. Buffy tilted her head when there was no answer. "Will!" she called again.<p>

Willow's door swung open and her head popped out. "Going to Xander's?" she called down. Buffy nodded at her.

"Yeah, we're all gonna go downtown and do some shopping before patrol tonight," she said up the stairs. "You sure you don't wanna come with?" she asked.

Willow shook her head, giving a crooked half-frown. "N-no, that's alright. I, uh, I'm just not feeling too well," she called back.

Buffy frowned slightly. "Well, alright then. Feel better," she said, turning to open the door. She stopped and looked back up at Willow. "And don't stay out late again! You need rest to feel better."

Willow nodded, a soft smile spreading on her face; there were bags under her eyes, and it made Buffy wonder if she had even slept last night. "Yeah, alright," Willow answered.

"Ready?" Dawn asked, popping up behind Buffy. Buffy turned to her.

"Yeah," she said and followed Dawn out the front door. She stopped momentarily in the doorway and glanced quickly back into the house, up towards Willow's room. Her brow furrowed, as an odd churning feeling filled her stomach. Something was up with Willow.

When Dawn called out to her, she snapped back to herself and closed the door, hurrying down the stairs and towards her anxious sister.

* * *

><p>Once Willow was sure Buffy and Dawn were out of the house and a good distance down the street, Willow sank slowly onto the floor of her room; the curtains were drawn, darkening the small room, which was lit by various candles, placed vicariously about. All the furniture had been pushed up against the walls, and in the middle of the floor, there was a large pentacle looking circle, but instead of satanic symbols, there were scientific symbols, and scribbled Arabic and Latin words. Beside Willow, there was a pile of books, and one of them was open; the title on the page left open was labeled "Human Transmutation". The piles of books below it were labeled similarly with the word "Alchemy" at some point in the title.<p>

Willow leaned over and read another passage from the book, then drew some more symbols on the floor, making sure they matched exactly to the diagram in her book. After a long hour of checking and rechecking her circle and the one in the book, Willow sat back and wiped the sweat from her forehead.

She pushed the Alchemy book aside and picked up another, this one labeled "Ancient Magicks" and flipped to a page that she had marked with a feather bookmark. The chapter was titled "Ressurection".

"Here we go," she breathed, and began reading.

* * *

><p>"So, why didn't Willow want to come?" Xander asked as he snacked on a scone. Dawn and Buffy each had matching scones as well, which they had gotten after the many hours of shopping, and lunch.<p>

Buffy shrugged and took another bite of her raspberry cream-cheese scone. "She said she didn't feel well," she replied. Dawn stepped between Buffy and Xander.

"Yeah, she came home uber late last night. Wonder if she was out with someone," she said and finished off her own scone.

"Willow, out with someone?" Xander said, making small hand gestures. "More like, 'Willow, out with her books'. She probably got swamped down at the museum or something."

"Yesterday was her day off," Buffy said flatly, kicking her feet lightly against the wet ground as they walked; it had rained all morning and now a thick humidity hung in the air, making everything outside wet and damp.

Xander stopped walking, and gave a dumb-founded stare. "Oh." Then he started walking again, staggered a bit behind the two Summers girls.

"Maybe we should go check on her?" Buffy asked. "I feel like something's weird. I mean, I feel Slayer tingly, ya know?" she said, scrunching up her nose and shaking her hands.

"Like your Spidy-sense?" Dawn asked, tilting her head. She shuffled the several bags in her hands to shift the weight.

"Yeah, sorta," Buffy said, shrugging.

"Well, if Buffy's Spidy-sense is tingling, we should follow it," Xander said, eating the last bite of his scone. "It's never been wrong before. And besides, we've got some time to kill before the movie."

* * *

><p>Everything was ready. Willow had rechecked it as much as she could possibly stand, and then rechecked it once more. She glanced nervously around the room: everything was in place. The circle was completed and drawn, and the magick pots were placed intermediately around the casket. The doors were propped open, but Willow hadn't had the heart to look inside.<p>

She breathed in heavily and felt her chest getting heavy as she settled into the middle of the circle, crossing her legs and putting her hands on her knees. She could feel herself shaking, and had to take a moment to catch her breath. "This will work," she said to herself, and slowly felt her body relax. "It will work." She repeated the words a few more times, allowing her body to completely relax.

When she felt she was ready, Willow lifted her hands tenderly, holding them out over the circle. She opened her mouth and exhaled softly, feeling her breath leave her body; then she leaned forward, and pressed her hands onto the floor.

Almost instantaneously, the lines Willow had drawn began to glow. The pots began to shake, and their contents flowed up and out of them, swirling in the air with a glowing, white light that was radiating from the circle. The light grew brighter, eventually flowing from the circle as if it were water falling down a cliff side. Then the contents poured into the casket, which exploded with green light.

Willow opened her eyes, and a sense of elation began to fill her stomach- _it was working!_

But then the light expanded and enveloped the whole room, and Willow felt something tearing at her arms. She looked down, and found that her skin seemed to be flaking off her arms. She tried to move but found herself stuck, only able to watch as her skin seemed to disintegrate in front of her- first one layer, then the next, and the next, ripping off until muscle was exposed. And even though she couldn't see it, she could feel the same thing happening to her face, neck, shoulders, and back.

Terror filled her veins, and she struggled and wrenched at her arms, trying to pull free, but they seemed to be sinking into the circle of light. Then, suddenly, she froze, threw her head back in a jerking motion, and screamed.

And as she screamed, the same white light poured from her mouth and eyes; a loud, whooshing noise, like wind in a tunnel, filled the room and all the windows were blasted out, as well as everything in the room upturned and smashed against the walls.

Then the light, which had enveloped Willow, flickered, and faded, so suddenly and starkly, it was as if it had never existed.

Willow was thrown backward from the force of her desperate pulling, and dropped to the floor, lifeless and bleeding.

* * *

><p>Xander, Dawn, and Buffy were just a few houses down when the windows on their town home exploded outward from the first floor bedroom, followed by a horrid, blood curdling scream. Without waiting for anyone else's reaction, Xander shouted, "Willow!" and bolted for the house, shoving Buffy out of the way as he did.<p>

He burst through the front door, and leapt up the stairs, three at a time. Thoughts raced through his mind like speeding bullets, and he wasn't even aware of Buffy and Dawn scrambling through the front doors as he began pounding on Willow's bedroom door. When he found it locked and no one answering, he began throwing his shoulder into the door, to no avail. Buffy grabbed him by the shoulder and wrenched him out of the way, almost throwing him down the stairs. He caught himself on the railing and watched as she smashed her foot into the door with all her Slayer strength.

Still nothing.

"Th-there must be some kind of spell on it!" Dawn shouted over all the ruckus. Everything seemed so loud to Xander, and he realized it was the blood rushing in his ears.

"Then what do we do! Buffy, what do we do!" he shouted frantically, then whirled back to face the door. "Willow, open the door!" he shouted. "Willow! Willow!" He tried to ram into the door again, but Buffy held him back.

"I'm going in through the window! Wait here!" she shouted and leapt down the stairs, disappearing out the front door.

Xander looked at Dawn pathetically, then returned to pounding on the door. "Willow, please open the door! Willow!"

There was crashing outside, then Buffy came around the corner, hunched over at the bottom of the stairs, bloody and bruised. "There's a spell…on the windows…too…" she said between gritted teeth. Dawn ran down the stairs to catch her before she fell; she looked back up to Xander with horror in her eyes.

"Wh-what do we do?" Xander stuttered, dread wrenching at his insides. "What do we do! Buffy, Willow could be dying in there!"

"Call…Giles…" Buffy huffed, not looking up at Xander. Xander stumbled for a second, then nodded quickly.

"R-right, Giles. Giles would know what to d-" he started, but was cut off by a click from the door. His hand shot out and he turned the knob without thinking, thrusting the door open. It rammed into someone and Xander stepped forward, then froze.

"Oh my god," he breathed.

* * *

><p>In the next moment, Willow found herself standing in front of two large doors, encased by a wooden threshold; carved into it were demons, monsters, cherubs, sprites, and any other sort of mythical creature. Beyond it, nothingness; a bleak white landscape that stretched on forever, or for naught. All Willow could do was stare at it, mouth slightly agape, hands hanging limply at her sides. A sudden voice broke the wavering silence.<p>

"Thou who has come before the Gates of Truth, offering sacrifice and exchange," it boomed, so loudly Willow had to stagger back and clasp her hands over her ears. The entire world seemed to shake. "Do you agree to the terms, to give your soul and magicks, for that of the life of Tara Maclay?" it asked, its voice never changing pitch, never giving inflection; it was straight, monotone, and all knowing.

Willow felt a shiver go up her back as she straightened up, trying to look presentable to…whatever was booming at her. She locked her jaw and straightened her neck, looking up, waiting to see if it would speak again. When it didn't, she cleared her throat and tried to speak.

"I-I do…" she stuttered. Her voice seemed small and shrill compared to the large booming voice, and when it didn't answer, she cleared her throat again. "I do!" she said more confidently, throwing her shoulders forward, and clenching her fists, pacing slightly in place. "I give my soul and magicks for Tara's life! Please, just give her back! Please!" she found herself pleading, tears coming to her eyes. There was a loud cracking noise and Willow snapped her jaw shut.

"As you wish," the booming voice said, and there was suddenly a horrid creaking noise that made Willow's bones shudder.

She stepped back a bit as the creaking began to make her head hurt and she clutched it tightly. When the creaking stopped, Willow looked up and found a sliver in the doors, just big enough for someone to squeeze through. There was a shadow in the sliver, more or less helping to grandiose the doors, and Willow squinted, trying to see what, or who, it was; a sudden wind blasted through the doors, nearly knocking Willow over, who had to stumble back a few steps in order to stay standing. She threw her hands up in front of her face and squinted into the blaring wind.

Then she realized it, who it was, and a small whisper escaped her mouth. "…Tara?" At that moment, everything around Willow silenced; the wind howling in her ears stopped, the beating of her heart, heaving in her chest, ceased, and the racing thoughts in her head dissipated.

Before Willow could say anything else, Tara took a step forward, and then her back arched and she came flying at Willow, as if someone had tied a rope around her waist and was pulling her forward. Willow had no idea what to do, so she spread her arms, as if to catch Tara, and braced herself for the thud of Tara's body against her own. But there was none, and Willow opened her eyes just in time to see Tara phase right through her, passing her like a cold wind when a storm is blowing in.

But the moment, the single moment that Tara's soul connected with Willow's, everything stopped. Willow could feel the warmth radiating from Tara's soul and wished nothing more than to never let her go; but then everything fast forwarded and Willow was left bent over, her arms hugging herself. She whirled quickly, looking wildly for Tara, but when she spotted her, she was so far off in the distance, Willow had a mind to believe that she had always been over there, and what she'd seen before had simply been her mind playing tricks. But she still turned and started towards the spirit, reaching out with her hand, calling to her.

"Tara!" she cried, not really sure if she could even hear her at all. "Tara! Tara, it's me! Tara!" But the spirit was fading, and Willow could feel tears in her eyes.

There was a sudden force pulling at her now, as well. It started with her leg, then her back, her shoulders, her arm, and finally her outstretched hand. She craned her neck around to see what it was, only to find thin strands of black grabbing at her, pulling her back. She fought and strained as hard as she could, but it was all for nothing; the strands pulled her back like she was made of paper.

They wrapped around her entire body now like stretchy, black rope, encasing her; and as she was pulled through the doors, arm still outstretched, she called out her last words to Tara.

"Tara, I love you!" she cried desperately. "Remember, I love you! And I'll _always_ find you!"

Then the doors swung shut and Willow was left in a blinding darkness.

* * *

><p>Breathing again after not having breathed for two years was a more painful experience than one thought it would be.<p>

Breath hit Tara like a massive wave, flooding into her lungs and body and making her muscles ache and cramp. Each intake was like needles were being jabbed into her and Tara clawed at her chest, trying to make the pain go away. She racked her brain, trying to remember what happened last, why everything was blurry and painful and blood was rushing through her ears. All she could remember was being in the Summer's house, in Willow's room. Then there was pain and she was on the floor.

She threw her hands out to try and sit up, but found herself encased in something. She raked her hand across something wooden, jamming splinters into it, but paid no attention and curled her fingers around it, pulling herself up and gasping for air. After a few long moments, breath came easier to her and she found herself coated in sweat and panting.

_That must be it_, Tara thought, _breathing must hurt because of what happened._ Then something clicked in her mind. "Willow…" she breathed, her voice cracked and broken, her mouth dry and sandy. She coughed. "W-willow?" she croaked again.

Tara had the sudden awareness of voices at the door, as well as a rapturous knocking. She forced herself to stand, her legs weak and shaking from what must have been lack of use. She stumbled over whatever she had been encased in, her vision still blurry, blotches eating at her vision. Even though she couldn't see much, as she tried to find the door, Tara knew this wasn't Willow's room, nor the Summers' home. When she reached the door, she struggled with the knob for a bit before realizing the door was locked, and with some sort of spell. The pounding continued and without really thinking about it, she uttered a few Latin words about locking and unlocking. And before she could even grab the door knob or back out of the way, someone turned the knob and the door swung open, slamming into her shoulder. She stumbled back a few steps, clutching her shoulder, and when she recuperated, she found herself face to face with Xander.

"Oh my god," Xander said after a few long moments of silence. "Tara?"

* * *

><p><strong>Autho's Note: So what're your thoughts? Critiques? Criticisms? Compliments? Thanks so much for reading! I have a few more chapters written but I'd like to know what people think before I start investing fully into this fic.<strong>


	2. Comatose Questions

Before Tara could say anything, or anyone else could speak for that matter, she felt her stomach lurch and shoved past Xander, diving for the bathroom door. She collapsed in front of the toilet, gripping her chest so hard her knuckles were turning white, and emptied the contents of her stomach into it. As she gagged and coughed, getting rid of the rejected contents of her stomach, she was distantly aware of voices behind her.

"Wh-what did you just say, Xander?" The first voice spoke; it was Buffy's, Tara realized.

Someone came rushing up the stairs and pushed past Xander, coming around the corner to stand in the hallway. Tara got a small glance in before her stomach flipped over and she was once again hurling into the toilet; it was Dawn who was standing in the door way, staring hard into the back of Tara's head.

"Oh my god, it is Tara," she murmured, her voice barely audible over the rushing sound in Tara's ears.

"Willow must of-" Buffy started-

-But Xander cut her off. "Willow!" he shouted, jerking back into reality and whirling around, lunging through Willow's bedroom door.

Something in Tara's mind clicked and hit her like a good punch to the gut. _Willow!_ She leapt up quickly, flushing the toilet, and stumbling past Dawn, carefully pushing her out of the way; Dawn willingly obliged, unable to do anything but stare at Tara.

When she came into the room, still clutching her stomach, she had to do everything in her power not to lose the rest of her stomach contents at the sight. Xander collapsed to his knees behind Willow, who was passed out on the ground, having fallen over from her sitting position. One arm rest limply on her side, draped over her like she was sleeping; the other arm was splayed out on the ground, her fingers curled up delicately.

Tara found herself sinking to the floor, cupping her hands over her mouth as tears clouded her vision; all of Willow's visible skin (and who knows how much more) was covered in burn marks, and torn flesh, as if someone had lit her on fire and then tired to rub off the burnt flakes of epidermis. A pool of blood had gathered under her body, sticking clumps of her hair together, and smearing on her clothes.

Tara was dimly aware of Dawn and Buffy crowding into the doorway, and Buffy immediately shouting, "Call an ambulance!" at Dawn. There were footsteps, then two hands were on Tara's back. She shivered and tried to jerk away, still not used to human touch, but Buffy gripped her tighter and whispered into her ear, "It's okay, Tara. It's me, Buffy."

Tara just nodded stiffly, watching as Xander would reach out to touch Willow, then recoil his hand, afraid he'd hurt her. In another few seconds, Dawn was back in the doorway, gripping the phone tightly.

"Th-they're on the way," she said briskly, then looked down at Tara. "Buffy…what happened?" she asked, and Tara cast a sideways glance at her from under her veil of blonde hair.

Buffy just shook her head. "I have no idea…" she muttered as her eyes remained locked on Willow's lifeless body and Xander's frantic gestures.

* * *

><p>Xander wanted so much to reach out and hug Willow to him, press his body against hers, rock her and tell her it was going to be alright; but he was so afraid of hurting her, all he could do was twitch and gape at her. He eventually found the courage to stroke her head, on the small patch of hair that wasn't covered in blood. In the back of his mind he was aware of Dawn and Buffy both talking, and didn't actually register anything they were saying- until Buffy said Tara's name.<p>

Xander's head shot up and he yanked his hands away from Willow, holding one out stiffly towards Tara, pointing at her. "What happened?" he shot. Tara jumped in her spot and looked up, her hair falling out of her face; there was a confused and terrified look in her eyes.

"What happened!" Xander repeated, his voice getting louder. "What did you do? What happened to Willow!" His hand that wasn't outstretched curled into a fist, his other aimed accusingly at Tara. "Say something!" he shouted, jerking his hand.

Tara flinched and curled into Buffy, who wrapped her arms around Tara and glared at Xander. "I-I don't know," Tara answered earnestly, not looking up.

"What do you mean, you don't know!" Xander shot back and began to rise, when Buffy shot him an angry glare; he sank back down, shaking in his spot.

"This isn't her fault, Xander," she defended, and opened her mouth to continue, but Tara spoke first.

"I-I don't know, I just…I don't remember!" she said, looking up at Xander from under Buffy's arm. "A-all I can remember is being in W-willow's room, in Sunnydale, then, then there was this p-p-pain, in my chest," she stuttered, talking urgently, and wildly. "And then everything went black, and then I-I woke up here, and everything hurt. Oh god, everything hurts," she finished, panic stinging her voice. She gripped her head hard with her hands and curled forward into herself.

Buffy stroked her hair, then up to Xander. "Xander, go down stairs with Dawn and wait for the ambulance. I'm going to go call Giles," she said, and looked down at Tara. "Tara, just sit right here, okay? Don't move, I'll be right back," she said softly and Tara nodded slowly.

Xander stumbled to retort, say something back to Buffy, but his mind was so jumbled, and he realized his anger towards Tara was just his mind trying something to focus on. But he couldn't ignore the wrenching feeling in his gut. "Fine," he said bluntly, then stood up and strode past Buffy, to Dawn. "C'mon, let's go," he grumbled and dragged Dawn down the stairs.

Buffy pat Tara on the head softly and nodded to her. "Stay here," she repeated, and Tara just nodded again. Buffy bit her lip, wishing there was something she could do; but what could she do? She didn't even have any idea what was going on. What had Willow done? Had she really brought Tara back to life?

Or was this just something that looked like Tara? Had her body, her memories?

That was exactly what Xander was thinking as he paced outside the front door, waiting for the ambulance. Dawn was trying to calm him down, but his mind was racing with so many thoughts, it was like a train was plowing through his head, and he couldn't hear a word she was saying.

Finally, she reached out and grabbed his arms, stopping him. "Xander, calm down! Pacing isn't going to help!" she said. "We need you coherent for when the ambulance gets here!" she exclaimed, tears welling at the back of her eyes, which were red with worry.

Xander stumbled to say something, his mouth working, yet nothing but drabble came out. "I just…I can't just stand here, Dawn," he finally said, a desperate look in his eye. "I can't."

Dawn exhaled slowly and shook her head at him. "I know, we all do," she said, and was about to say something more when a siren blared outside. Xander tore himself from her grip and wrenched the door open, waving in the paramedics.

"In here!" he called to them. "Up the stairs, first room!" he commanded as two men carrying a backboard rushed past him. A third guy was behind them, carrying an extensive first aid kit. Xander went to follow them, but Dawn stopped him momentarily.

"Xander, don't be rash," she said, staring straight into his eyes. She didn't have to say it, because they both knew she was talking about Tara. Xander nodded.

"Right, keep cool," he said, with an icy tone. "That's me, Captain Cool." Then turned away from Dawn and headed up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Tara was still hunched over when the paramedics appeared in the door way. She lifted an arm and pointed towards Willow's limp body. "O-over there," she said, "she's over there."<p>

They nodded and dashed over to Willow, and began working on her. First, they took out several gauze pads and coated them in hydrogen peroxide, then began lightly dabbing at her open wounds. During this, both Xander and Dawn appeared in the doorway; Xander shuffled over to the paramedics and watched them carefully as they bandaged Willow, and Dawn, though her gaze was stuck on Xander, Willow, and the men, crouched next to Tara and semi-hugged her.

"I-it's gonna be okay," she said quietly, rubbing Tara's back. Tara looked up at her.

"Dawny," she said quietly, and felt Dawn tense. "Is Willow…what was Willow…" she struggled to find the right words. "What happened…?" she finally asked.

"Wouldn't we all like to know," came Buffy's voice from the door way, and both Dawn and Tara turned to look back at her. "Look, we're all confused as to why this happened, but let's not get caught up in it right now. We need to focus on Willow," she said and Dawn nodded. Tara swallowed the lump in her throat, and felt herself shaking.

"Sh-she'll be okay," Tara said, still looking up at Buffy. "She has to be…"

"Yeah," Buffy sighed, but her response wasn't all that reassuring. She followed Buffy's gaze to Willow, and felt the lump in her throat drop into her stomach, making it churn again. She shivered and Dawn patted her back softly again.

As the men finished up, and slid Willow onto the backboard, everyone moved out of the way as they rushed her down the stairs. Xander was the first out the door, and Buffy put a hand on his shoulder to stop him momentarily as they all gathered just outside the front door.

"Giles is going to meet us there," she said. "Dawn and I will go in a separate car and get Tara checked up. If Giles gets there before us, _don't_ tell him about Tara yet," she warned. "It'll be better he sees her first."

Xander nodded absentmindedly. "Right, Giles to not know about Zombie Tara."

Buffy ruffled her brow. "Xander, she's _not_ a zombie," she snapped.

He just shrugged. "As far as we know. We don't _actually_ _know_ what Willow did, if that's even Tara," he grumbled, gesturing at her. Her back was turned, and her and Dawn were watching the paramedics load Willow into the ambulance.

The two men jumped into the car, and one of them called out to the group. "Who's riding with us?"

Xander immediately swiveled, but Tara spoke first. "I-I am! I want to ride with W-Willow," she said the second part mostly towards Buffy and Xander, who had come up beside them.

Dawn put a hand on Tara's shoulder.

"Tara, we need to get you to a doctor, first," Buffy said quietly. "Xander will go with them. Don't worry, he'll make sure nothing happens to Willow."

"B-but I…" Tara started to argue, but Buffy shook her head, stopping her.

"We need to make sure you're alright before you go see Willow. We can't have her waking up only to have you sick or unconscious…or something," Buffy said evenly. Tara slowly closed her jaw, then looked down and half nodded.

"O-okay…" was all she said.

Buffy nodded to Xander and he nodded back, then turned and jogged over to the ambulance, clambering in. He didn't look back as the doors swung shut, the siren blared, and the large red truck pulled away from the curb.

* * *

><p>Buffy led Dawn and Tara over to Xander's car and they all piled in, Dawn and Tara both sitting in the back.<p>

The car ride over was eerily quiet and slightly uncomfortable. There were so many questions Buffy wanted to ask Tara, but she knew that now wasn't the time, or the place.

So she kept her mouth shut.

She glanced in the rear view mirror and saw that Dawn's arm was around Tara's shoulder, who was looking paler by the moment. She wondered if her being here was just temporary, it maybe Willow had brought back a ghost or corporeal spirit somehow. Or a zombie, or some other type of demon.

Or maybe it really was Tara.

From what Buffy remembered, there wasn't just magick going on in Willow's room; the diagram she had seen on Willow's floor was nothing like anything she'd seen before. Buffy realized she had been so lost in thought, that she had begun chewing on her bottom lip, which was now bleeding. She wiped away the blood with the back of her sleeve.

When she saw the blood, her mind flashed back to the scene in Willow's room- she was just lying there, so helpless and cold, and _lifeless_. It sent a chill down Buffy's back and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up straight. What if the person sitting in the back of Xander's car wasn't Tara at all? But rather, a demon that had taken on her form, or body, and had sucked the life out of Willow? And was in the back of the car with her little sister?

Buffy clenched her teeth and pushed the thought away- as she had said before, they needed to focus on Willow right now. She gave another glance to the mirror, and found the same scene as when she had looked before. "E-everyone doing alright?" she asked to break the silence.

"Yeah, we're fine," Dawn answered, and Buffy watched in the mirror as Tara slowly nodded. She looked like she was in pain, and her right hand was gripping her chest, just above her heart- in the spot where Warren had shot her.

A few minutes later, they pulled up to the hospital, in front of the E.R. and the three of them piled out of the car, leaving the keys for someone else to park. They rushed in and up to the front desk.

"We need a doctor, right now," Buffy said to the lady, who turned to look at her from over the rims of her glasses.

"Well, you need to sign in and wait your turn," she said, pointing to the sign-in sheet. Buffy shoved it away and grabbed the lady by the front of her shirt.

"I'm not waiting around, and I'm not messing around. I need a doctor to look at my friend right now, so we can get out of here and go find our other friend, got it?" she snarled, gnashing her teeth together, her eyes flaring.

The woman gulped, a look of pure terror on her face. "A-alright," she stuttered, and reached over, pushing a button on her phone doc. There was a beep. "D-doctor Hamilton?" she squeaked. "I need you up f-front…_now_."

Buffy smiled deceptively at her and released her grip, then backed away just as a man in a white coat came around the corner. He came straight up to the counter and was about to ask what the lady wanted, but she made a squeaking noise and just pointed at Buffy and the others; not wanting to waste any time, Buffy took it from there.

"Doctor Ham-whatever," she said quickly, grabbing his arm and Tara's, pulling Tara forward. "We need you to look at her, and then tell us where they took Willow Rosenburg. Got it?" she asked, a serious look on her face.

Hamilton looked a bit confused, and stared from Buffy, to Tara, to Dawn, then back to Buffy; he shrugged. "Understood," he said, and led the three off to a private room.

When Buffy looked closer at him, she noticed that he was a younger doctor, with lavish brunet hair that seemed to be slicked back with nothing. He had a square jaw, and trimmings of side-burns that told Buffy he was on the cusp of becoming a man, but was still in his youthful years. Ashamedly, she thought he was kind of cute. In fact, he reminded her a bit of Ben.

But now was not the time for that. As he shut the door and asked Tara to remove her sweater, Buffy snapped back to the reality that one of her friends was just back from the dead, and the other one was on the cusp of being dead.

It was like they were back in Sunnydale.

* * *

><p>Xander ran alongside the gurney as they wheeled it quickly into the hospital and down a hallway; but he was stopped, as always, at the doors that said <strong>I.C. Unit: Personnel Only<strong>. So now he was pacing outside the doors, chewing on the tips of his fingers, as he always did when he was extremely distressed or nervous.

"Xander!" came the thick, British voice, causing Xander to jump and chomp down on his finger, making it bleed.

"Giles, oh thank god you're here," Xander said exasperatedly. "I can't take it anymore! Make them tell me what's going on? I need to know if Willow's alright!"

Giles stopped in front of Xander and held up his hands. "I'm afraid I can't do that," he said quickly, and before Xander could say anything back, he continued. "Listen, Xander Willow is in good hands. I can promise you that. You need to sit down and tell me what happened," he demanded, leaning over slightly to look straight into Xander's eyes. "Can you do that?"

Xander didn't respond for a moment, instead flicking his eyes from Giles, to the door, to Giles again. Then he nodded, "Yeah, yeah I can do that." His voice was shaking and shrill. "I can do that…"

Giles gave a half smile, trying to comfort the worried boy. "Good, then. Let's go get some water and have a seat in the waiting room," he said and put a hand on Xander's back, leading him away from the I.C. doors.

Giles sat Xander down, then went and retrieved two cups of water; when he came back, Xander was standing in the far corner, staring through the open door towards the I.C. Giles came over to him and offered him the cup.

"Xander," he spoke slowly, hoping to not scare him. Xander didn't move. "Xander, come sit down with me. I need to know what happened. From what Buffy said over the phone, Willow had a spell go wrong."

That seemed to yank Xander back to reality and he turned to face Giles. "Oh yes, very wrong," he said harshly.

"Well, I think I may have picked that up from the sound of Buffy's voi-" Giles started, but Xander cut him off.

"No! You don't! You don't have any idea, Giles!" he exploded. "You didn't see, her wounds, her, her, her…her face! Giles, she looked so _lifeless_. So _dead_!"

Giles looked down and slowly reached up, removing his glasses. He cleaned them thoroughly with his shirt, then straightened up and put them back on, a grave expression on his face. "I'm so sorry, Xander…" he said after a long silence. "But I can't help if you don't tell me what happened."

Xander shrugged dramatically, giving Giles a desperate look. "I-I don't know! No one knows! Only Willow-," he clenched his teeth and willed himself to continue. "Buffy said that Willow had been missing the day before, and that she came home late. And then she was acting weird, and didn't want to go out, so we all decided to go check on her, and next thing I know," he took in a breath. "Next thing we know the windows from her room shatter, her door is locked, and when it finally opens, Tara-" Xander's eyes bulged and he snapped his jaw shut. Giles did a double take.

"Tara?" he repeated. "What about Tara?"

Xander smiled awkwardly. "Tara? Did I say Tara?" he stuttered. "What I meant was…uh, when it finally opens, there-a was, uh….Willow, lying in a pool of blood, skinned," he improvised, shrugging at Giles. Giles just stared at him curiously.

"Alright…" he said slowly, suspicion donning on him. "Buffy said there were uh, markings on the floor?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I…I don't know, I didn't really notice, what with my best friend bleeding out on the floor," Xander retorted, his voice calming from its previous frantic state. "Although, I did see some weird pots. They were all knocked over, and broken."

Giles put on a pondering expression. "Pots…" he repeated. "I can't make much of it just from description. I'll have to go see it for myself," he declared, his voice still pensive. "But that'll have to wait, for now," he said as he saw Buffy and Dawn coming down the hallway. There was a third person behind them, with blonde hair, but their face was hidden, so Giles couldn't quite make them out. There was just something so familiar about them…

"Oh, my god," Giles breathed when he realized who it really was. All breath seemed to leave his lungs. "Tara?"

"See!" Xander said ecstatically. "That's exactly what I said!"

* * *

><p>"Giles!" Tara exclaimed and nudged her way between Buffy and Dawn, dashing over to Giles, and enveloping him in a hug.<p>

Giles was stunned, and just stared dumbfounded at Tara, unsure of what to do. He went to say something, but Buffy shook her head furiously and mouthed, "_She doesn't remember_," to him. He hesitantly reached down and patted Tara on the back.

"Uh, hello…Tara," he said slowly, the name sounding strange in his mouth. "It's uh…nice to see you."

Tara let go and backed away, looking up at Giles with a sort of muted happiness. "You, too," she said with a small smile. Giles felt his heart flip-flop and a pang run across his chest. Hearing her, seeing her, touching her, it all felt so weird- so surreal. He took his glasses off once more and began cleaning them, even though they weren't dirty.

"So uh…what now?" Dawn said, cutting in to the awkward silence.

"We wait," Xander answered, eyeing Tara suspiciously. "I'm not going anywhere until I know Willow is going to be okay," he stated, shifting in his spot.

Giles nodded at Xander. "Yes, yes of course," he said, and put his glasses back on. He shot Buffy a look. "Ah, Buffy…?" he started, but he didn't have to say anything more; Buffy knew exactly what he was thinking and straightened up.

"Oh! Right! Um, Dawn, why don't you take Tara to go get some food and water?" she suggested, her voice just one octave too high. "The doctor did say she needs to eat and rehydrate, right?" she said at both Tara and Dawn's suspicious looks.

Dawn gave Buffy a square look, then rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let's go Tara," she said and grabbed Tara's arm, pulling her with her out of the waiting room. "The adults need to talk."

Tara looked back at Buffy, Xander, and Giles, tilting her head in confusion. "B-but…aren't I an adult…?" she asked to no one in particular.

* * *

><p>The second Tara and Dawn were out of ear shot, Giles rounded on Buffy and Xander. "Why didn't you tell me this was what Willow's spell was for!" he snapped.<p>

Buffy frowned darkly at him. "Yeah, sure, that'd go well," she retorted, and held her hand up to her cheek, making a mock phone out of it. "'Hey, Giles, just calling to say Willow brought Tara back to life! Meet us in the E.R.?'" She shook her head at him, giving him a stupid look.

"If that's even Tara," Xander added, giving the doorway a paranoid look.

Buffy smacked Xander with the back of her hand. "Xander! We've gone over this!" she shot. Giles tilted his head and gave it a half shake.

"I…I don't know, Buffy," he said, clearly unsure of his own thoughts. "Xander may be right. How can we be sure what Willow brought back is even Tara? After all," he said, a disgruntled look on his face, "you can't bring people back from the dead who died from a natural death. Not even Willow, with all her power."

"So, then, what?" Buffy asked offensively, shrugging her shoulders. "Willow restored Tara's body and stuffed a demon into it? C'mon Giles, this is Willow we're talking about here. She wouldn't do that to Tara!" she defended.

Giles just shook his head again, staring at the floor. He furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't even know if it was intentional, Buffy. She may have tried to uh, uh reincarnate her and accidently brought back a demon or, or something else."

Buffy gritted her teeth and shook her head, refusing to believe him. "No, Giles. If Tara was a monster, I'd know. I can just tell, Giles. It's here. It's really Tara."

"Wh-why wouldn't I be me?" came Tara's voice, making them all swivel and gape at her in the door way. She was holding a bottle of water and a packaged sandwich. When no one responded, Tara took a tep forward. "Guys," she said slowly, tilting her head at them.

"What's going on?"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>So there's chapter two! Hope you enjoyed it, I promise things will get more interesting next chapter. Plus we get to find out where Willow is! Please review, I enjoy any form of comment, compliment, critique, criticisms! Thanks!


	3. Darkness and Doors

Everything was black. Twisting, winding, endless black. Darkness. It consumed everything.

And as Willow lay there, she wasn't sure if her eyes were even open or not. She could take her hand and put it in front of her face and bring it as close to her eyes as she wanted, until it was pressed firmly against her nose, and still couldn't see it. So she wasn't sure if she was looking into the darkness, or was closing her eyes to shield herself from the darkness.

It was all so endless and painful. The thing about being a soul is that you still feel- you feel pain, and sorrow, and happiness, and loneliness, and every other emotion possible. And god was Willow lonely. And sad, and in pain, and sorrowful. She missed Tara so much it hurt; it literally pained her, to know Tara was alive and how confused and scared and lonely she must be.

Lying there, naked-as being a soul one didn't need clothing- Willow couldn't help but wonder if she would ever get out of this place. Sometimes Willow wasn't sure she was even still a body, her solid form, and often felt as if she had become no more than an amorphous spirit, drifting effortlessly in the black abyss.

Meekly, she wondered how long she'd actually been here when she felt a cold chill run across her skin. She shivered and rolled onto her side, curling into a ball (at least she thought so. She couldn't really be sure). Every once in a while she would feel this same chill, and she figured it was just other aimless souls drifting along in ethereal form. When this happened, somehow, the overwhelming darkness felt comforting; like, it was okay if other spirits where floating around because at least she couldn't see them, and they couldn't see her.

In fact, this blinding darkness seemed to very accurately portray her mind right now.

* * *

><p>"Guys, what's going on?" Tara asked, setting her food down on the table next to the chairs and turning to look at everyone. When no one answered, Tara cleared her throat. "Will someone please tell me what's going on? Why is everyone acting so weird around me? And what happened to Willow?"<p>

"Tara, now really isn't the best time to, to get into details," Giles said when no one else stepped up to talk. He adjusted his glasses and motioned to speak again, but ended up closing his mouth and staring at the ground. "We need to uh, to focus on Willow."

Tara looked from Giles to the others. "Th-there's nothing we can do for her right now," she said, trying to sound confident in what she was saying without breaking down. "So, while we're waiting, why doesn't someone te-tell me what's going o-on."

"I'll tell you," came Dawn's voice from the doorway, and the four of them swiveled to look at her. Tara gave her a weary look and Dawn just shrugged at her, walking over to the chairs. She turned to face all of them, crossing her arms over her chest. "Since no one else will."

"Dawn-" Buffy started.

"No!" Dawn interrupted, snapping at Buffy. "Tara deserves to know! I can't believe you guys would try to hide it from her!"

"Just until we all know what exactly is going on!" Buffy shot back. Tara shook her head.

"You guys," she said, trying to step between the two Summers' sisters. "I'm right here. C-can we not talk about me like I'm not h-here?" she stammered.

Dawn turned to Tara. "Buffy and the others still think you aren't here," she said evenly and Buffy scoffed, throwing her hands up.

"Why do you always do this?" she growled at Dawn. Giles and Xander had retreated away from the arguing sisters. "You always get in the middle of things."

"I'm just trying to help! Tara's just as confused as we are, maybe more! It's cruel of you to keep her in the dark!"

"Guys," Tara said again, "still right here!"

"B-Buffy," Giles tried to interject. "Maybe we should tell her."

Buffy spun on her heel, her hair whipping around her. "Giles, now is not the time! Weren't you the one just saying we should focus our attention on Willow?"

Giles shook his head. "Well, yes, I, I did," he stuttered, motioning with his hands."But I think Dawn and Tara have a point."

"Guys!" Tara found herself shouting, something she rarely did. "I'm right here! A-and I'd really like for someone to just tell me what happened!"

That silenced them all, and once again they all turned to face the furiously confused blonde; but before anyone could say anything, the I.C. doors opened and the doctor strode out, a grim look on his face.

* * *

><p>"You're all here with Miss Rosenberg?" he asked, his voice gruff. He was an older, more experienced doctor, and he eyed them all with a sort of fatherly glance.<p>

"Y-yes," Tara was the first to speak, pushing past Dawn and Buffy to stand in front of the doctor. "I-is she alright? Is she awake? C-can I see here?"

The doctor finished pulling off his gloves and pocketed them, then rubbed his forehead tenderly. "Miss Rosenberg is stable right now, but she's still unconscious. We fear she may have slipped into a coma, induced by blood loss and trauma."

"Coma?" Tara heard Dawn say, but all reality had suddenly dropped away from her.

Blood loss? Trauma? Her vision hadn't been too blurry when she'd looked at Willow back in the room, but she'd seen her, and she hadn't looked that bad, had she? Tara blinked and brought herself back, the echoing voices becoming more defined as she did.

"-and we'll keep you updated. Visiting hours are nine to nine, everyday," the doctor finished up. "Anymore questions?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay" Buffy said, one hand on her hip, the other pressed to her forehead. "And no, not right now…Thank you," she said, nodding in agreement, but not really talking to him. She turned to the others. "C'mon…let's go see how she's doing," she said as the doctor exited the room and disappeared beyond the doorway.

Tara nodded mechanically and filed after Buffy and the others as they headed down the hallway. Everything around her seemed distant, as if someone had wrapped a plastic bag around her head. She stared at her feet as she walked, wringing her hands together, pressing little half-moon indents into her palms with her fingernails. When they arrived at Willow's room, Buffy reached for the knob, but Tara found herself pushing Buffy out of the way and grabbing the handle herself.

It was selfish of her, and she knew it, but Tara had to ask. "C-can I see her…"she said quietly, not looking at any of them. "…alone?" Everyone was quiet, and she could feel their sympathetic eyes boring into her. "J-just for a bit…please…"

"Yeah."

It was Dawn's voice and Tara could feel that it had startled not just her, but everyone else. She looked at her sideways from under her curtain of hair.

Xander was the next to speak. He nodded sadly, but eagerly, not looking at Tara. "Yeah, yeah. Of course, Tara." The others all nodded with him in silent agreement. "Of course…"

"Th-thank you…" Tara whispered, almost so quietly that no one heard her. Buffy nodded shallowly and backed away from the door.

Tara bit her bottom lip, then drew in a deep breath, and turned the knob. It clicked and the door popped open. Tara sidled around the door, and into the room, letting it stay slightly open behind her. She could still feel the others staring at her behind the door, even though they couldn't see her. She felt her breath shuddering in her chest as she made her way to the bed.

The room was small, and darkened. There was one overhead light on, in the middle of the room, but it was dimmed, and cast a yellowish light onto the walls. On the far side was a window with blinds drawn over it, and under the window was a table with two chairs; a third chair was placed on the other side of Willow's bed, closest to the door.

Willow was propped up on the bed, with an oxygen mask on her face, and more than one I.V. in her arm. There was, of course, the constant drone and beep of the heart rate monitor, plus an added noise of pulsing air as the life support machine provided Willow with the oxygen she wasn't breathing herself.

Tara took a sharp intake of breath and clasped her hands over her mouth as she came to stand over Willow's bed. Both of Willow's arms were wrapped completely in bandages, all the way up to the tips of her fingers. She wore a night gown, but Tara could see the other bandages that wrapped around her chest, and up her neck. There was one large gauze pad on her right cheek and Tara wanted to reach out and stroke it but she was so afraid of hurting Willow, who looked so helpless and…_lifeless_. There was that word again. Tara shuddered at the thought and sank into the chair, her hands tucked into her body.

"H-hey, baby," she whispered after a long silence, tears prying at her eyes. One rolled down her cheek. "It's m-me…Tara."

She stopped talking, as if waiting for a response from Willow; but all that she heard was the beeping of the machines that were keeping Willow alive.

Tara wanted to say something else, like, 'I'm sorry', or 'Please wake up', but when she opened her mouth all she could muster was a small sob. Her breath caught in her throat and Tara choked on the sob; without warning the tears she had been holding back began pouring from her eyes. "Oh god, Willow," she cried, reaching out and stroking the soft, red hair on her lover's head. "Please be okay."

Tara wasn't sure how much time had passed as she sat there and cried, but she heard the door creak open and the others all filed in slowly. Xander was the first to say anything. "Willow…" he breathed, trying not to cry himself. He went over to the other side of Willow's bed and stood by her head, reaching out and softly stroking the un-bandaged side of Willow's face. Dawn was already silently crying as she came in and went over next to Xander, sinking into one of the chairs. Buffy came to stand next to Tara's chair, staring at Willow with hollow eyes; Tara knew she wanted to cry, but wouldn't in order to stay strong for the others.

Giles stood back a bit, leaning against the wall. He took off his glasses and pinched his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. "Oh, Willow…" he muttered, and Tara could hear the hurt in his voice.

As the tears slid down her cheeks, Tara felt the need to wipe them away. But her body was frozen, one hand on Willow's leg, the other tucked into her chest. After a long time, Buffy reached over and put her hands on Tara's shoulders, in an attempt to console the crying girl.

"Tara…" she said quietly. "When you're ready, I would like to tell you what's going on…"

Tara didn't have to nod at Buffy; they all already knew Tara understood. And, after a few more moments of looking at her slumbering lover with tearful eyes, Tara turned to Buffy with a sorrowful expression.

"I'm ready."

* * *

><p>They had all gone down to the cafeteria in order to talk to Tara properly about what had happened. When Giles sat down and passed around the lattes, Buffy took in a deep breath, preparing herself.<p>

She reached out and put a hand on Tara's, who was still weary and tired from crying all day. The sun was low behind the horizon, and she guessed it was around dinner time, maybe six or seven. She turned to Tara and gave her a firm look. "Tara…this might be…a little hard, to take in. So if you need a sec, or you don't understand, just tell us," Buffy started, choosing her words carefully. "Okay?"

Tara just nodded, looking around to everyone at the table, then lowered her eyes.

"We…we're all still not a hundred percent positive on how exactly, but…" Buffy drew in a breath and everyone around the table stiffened. "You were shot. By Warren."

Tara lifted her head from looking at her hands, and turned to Buffy. "Th-the nerd guy?" was all she asked and Buffy nodded.

"Yeah…He came into my backyard and shot me, and somehow you," Buffy confirmed. At the worried look on Tara's face, Buffy waved frantically. "Oh, but, I'm okay! See," she poked herself. "Perfectly fine! Thanks to Willow…"

Tara tilted her head, confused. "Is that why…did Willow heal us?"

Buffy opened her mouth to say no, then closed it and shook her head, looking confused herself. "Well, sort of. She healed me, but from what I heard, you," she paused and looked at Tara sympathetically. "You died. Instantly."

Tara just stared, mouth slightly ajar. "I…what?" was all she could say.

"Tara," Giles cut in softly, leaning forward. His eyes wavered on Buffy, then went to Tara. "You've been dead for two years now."

* * *

><p>Tara's head was spinning; she was sure it was literally spinning. The world suddenly went blurry and she felt herself falling backwards. Someone caught her, and helped her stay sitting- Buffy. Tara leaned forward and found herself collapsing onto the table, head in her hands.<p>

"D-dead!" she gasped. "Two years?" She whipped her head up, which turned out to be a bad idea. The world shifted violently and Tara almost slid out of her chair again. But once more, Buffy caught her. "I've been dead…for two years!" Her breath was getting heavy in her chest, and she was sure that everyone around her could hear her heart beating loudly behind her ribs. It was suddenly so hot, and Tara's mouth felt so dry. _Dead. Really, dead. Oh, god, Willow!_ Tara's mind raced all over. First on how Willow must have felt, then on what Willow must have done, and how lonely she must have been. And how much pain she had to of been in; her thoughts, her feelings, her everything.

Then it all clicked. Tara suddenly didn't feel so woozy and nauseous and she sat up slowly. "Th-that's why…that's why she's here…i-isn't it?" she spoke slowly, staring at the grainy texture on the cafeteria table. She was suddenly aware of Buffy's hand on her back, and Dawn's hand on her shoulder. "Willow found a way to bring me back to life. Th-this is my fault!"

"N-no!" Dawn shot quickly. "Tara, this isn't your fault! Willow..." she trailed off.

"Willow did this to herself, Tara. This isn't your fault," Buffy finished, nodding reassuringly at Tara and Dawn.

Tara looked back down at the table, a sudden, painful sorrow filling up her body. "I was really dead…" she murmured. "Oh, poor Willow…" Tears leaked from her eyes. "She must've been so…_sad_."

Everyone was silent as Tara mourned for her lover; all the pain and loneliness and emptiness Willow must have felt poured into Tara's veins. It was a long time before anyone spoke again.

"Tara…" Giles said quietly. "Tara, I need to ask you something."

Tara pressed her lips together in a thin line, and lifted her head to look at Giles. She nodded wearily.

"Where uh, exactly…were you?" he asked. Tara stiffened.

She hadn't actually thought about it, nor had it even occurred to her in the short moments after she was told she'd been dead. Where _had_ she been? Tara racked her mind, but she couldn't remember. As she had told Xander earlier that day, she just wasn't sure. All she remembered was being in Willow's room, then there was a pain in her chest (the bullet, she now knew), and then she had blacked out, only to wake up in a completely different room, with a bloody Willow on the floor, and three confused friends outside. She found herself picking at her fingers and had to physically stop herself, prying her eyes away from her lap and back to the others.

"I…" she said, and shook her head, shrugging. "I don't know. I d-don't remember."

Giles made a confused noise and sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. "You don't remember?"

Tara shook her head again. "No…l-like I told Xander, all I remember is being in W-Willow's room, and then pain, and I blacked o-out…" she trailed off, biting her bottom lip. Buffy patted her back affectionately.

"It's okay, Tara. We know," she said reassuringly. She glanced at Giles quickly.

"So, then, how'd she do it?" Dawn suddenly asked. "If you can't bring people back to life that died from natural cause…then how did Willow bring Tara back?"

The four younger adults all turned to look at Giles; who, at a loss of words, just shook his head slowly, and shrugged at them.

"I…I have no idea."

* * *

><p>Giles had left a while ago to go consult some of his books, and to update Andrew on the "current situation". Tara, Xander, and Dawn were all still in Willow's room, while Buffy had gone outside to pace frantically in front of the door. It was almost time for visiting hours to end and Buffy knew that not one of the people in that room wanted to leave Willow's side- especially Tara.<p>

So Buffy had decided to "persuade" the good doctors to let them all stay. Hence the pacing outside Willow's door.

She had her arms crossed over her chest, her brow furrowed, and a pensive look on her face. She hadn't ever really been big on the whole magic thing, but right when she thought she was sort of figuring it out, Willow went and did something like this. Even Giles didn't know what was going on, and that made Buffy feel especially unsettled.

Her train of thought was interrupted when a nurse came around the corner. "Excuse me, miss?" she said, coming up to Buffy. "But visiting hours are over. We need everyone to leave."

Buffy uncrossed her arms and stood up straighter. "Well, actually," she said, not really sure what she was going to say to her. "We uh, we'd like to stay here, over night." The nurse raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "With our friend, Willow. You see, we're all really worried, and she's really important to us, and, well-"

The nurse held up her hand. "Look, hospital rules say we can't allow anyone to stay overnight. I'm sorry, but you can't," she said, shaking her head. She turned to leave but Buffy reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Please," she said with a sorrowful look on her face. The nurse glared evenly, then her expression softened and she sighed.

"There are some forms at the front desk you can fill out to stay overnight," she finally said. "And if you stay tonight, don't let anyone catch you. This conversation, never happened," she said firmly and turned, leaving.

Buffy let out the breath she was holding that she didn't even know she had been. With a small smile on her face, the first one she'd cracked since this whole thing happened, she turned back towards the door and slipped into Willow's room.

* * *

><p>Tara was aware of Buffy coming back into the room, but didn't move, having been in a sort of half sleep for quite some time now. She heard her go over to Xander and whisper to him.<p>

"The nurse said we can stay, as long as we don't leave the room," she murmured and Xander nodded quietly. "We have to fill out some forms tomorrow so we don't get in trouble."

Dawn shuffled in her restless sleep, curled up in the chair, her head lolling backwards. Buffy and Xander stopped talking for a moment, and when they were sure they hadn't woken the slumbering teen, they continued.

"Okay, so now what?" Xander asked. "We still don't even know what's going on with Willow, if she'll even…" he had to stop and that made Tara a bit anxious. She opened one eye to look at the two, but made sure they couldn't see her watching them; she was curious what they would say about her being back. "All I'm trying to say is, we still have no idea what's going on. No one does. Not even Giles."

"Giles is working on it," Buffy stressed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Until then, all we can do is be here for Willow and hope she wakes up soon."

"I can't just sit here," Xander quipped. "I just…I can't. Especially when we don't even know if what Willow brought back is even Tara."

At that, Tara's heart sank. Xander blamed her for this, and she knew it- she was okay with that. In a way, she blamed herself as well. She kept thinking to herself that maybe if she had done just one thing differently, she wouldn't have died, and none of this would have happened to Willow.

But to hear Xander say that maybe she wasn't human, that maybe Willow had failed and brought back a demon or some other entity in her place, stung. It meant that all of Willow's efforts where for nothing. It stung Tara's heart and hurt her soul, like a dagger in her chest. At that, she stirred and pretended to just be waking up, blinking heavily a few times. Both Xander and Buffy stopped murmuring to each other and stepped away. Buffy turned to Tara, while Xander settled down next to Dawn, stroking her hair softly, not looking up at Tara.

"Hey, Tara," Buffy said in her best soothing voice. "I got the nurse to let us stay here for the night." Tara sat up in the chair and wiped the sleep from her eyes. She nodded stiffly.

"Good," Tara replied. "I-I mean thanks…Thank you, Buffy." They both turned their attention back to Willow, who hadn't moved an inch the entire time; even her chest was barely rising and falling with the steady breath of a sedated person.

Buffy exhaled and pulled a chair over next to Tara, putting her hand over Tara's. "I know you probably want to just rest tonight, but, when you're ready, there's more that we need to tell you," she said evenly, trying to keep her voice steady.

Tara didn't say anything for a long time. She just stared at Willow, and after a while, she tilted her head and squinted in a confused way. "Am I…am I a demon?" she asked quietly. Xander looked up from Dawn and finally, after a long time, rested his eyes on Tara.

Buffy glanced at Xander, a look that told him to keep his mouth shut. He obliged and leaned back, looking darkly across the room. "No, Tara, you're not. At least, I don't think so…" she said, getting a confused look herself. When Tara made a low, grunting noise, Buffy straightened up. "No, Tara! You are _not_ a demon," she said definitively.

Tara nodded, but she wasn't reassured much by Buffy's words. Was she a demon? She certainly didn't feel like a demon, but then again, Tara had never actually been a demon before, so how could she know? Sure, there had been that whole 18 years of her life where she thought she was a demon, but she hadn't actually _been_ a demon. So no, Tara wasn't sure if she was a demon or not.

"In the morning," Tara said confidently. "I-in the morning, before Giles gets here…" she paused for a second and felt Buffy's gaze on her. "I-I'd like you to t-t-tell me the rest…the rest of everything that's happened since I d-died."

* * *

><p>"S-so Spike is…dead?"<p>

Buffy nodded.

"And Anya, too?"

She nodded again.

Tara closed her mouth and looked down at her hands tucked neatly into her lap. "Wow…" she breathed, then looked back up at Buffy. "I'm so s-sorry. About Spike."

Buffy didn't nod this time, keeping her gaze even. Tara glanced to the side, tucking her chin onto her shoulder. "I can't believe Willow…k-killed Warren…" she choked out. So much had happened since she died.

"And Sunnydale…" she added. "It's really gone?"

A smile cracked on Buffy's face. "Yep. It's now a giant chasm in the ground. Bet it looks funny from space," she joked, flicking her eyes upward momentarily. Tara chuckled lightly.

"Still…it's we-weird to think th-that Sunnydale is really gone," she said, a sober expression crawling onto her face. "And that Willow tried to…" Tara couldn't finish, but Buffy knew what she was referring to.

"Tara…" Buffy started. "You have to understand that Willow was grieving. I mean, you guys had just made up…"

A single tear slid down Tara's cheek and she reached up quickly to wipe it away; she was tired of crying. "I-I know…it's just…I never knew I meant that much to Willow…I mean, I d-did, but at the same time…" she trailed off and had to bite her bottom lip in order to keep from crying.

Buffy sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. "Tara, you were Willow's entire world. Why do you think she tried so hard to bring you back? She couldn't stand to live in a world without you…" Buffy muttered, her mind flipping back to when Willow had gone crazy and tried to destroy the world. She remembered, mostly, Willow kicking her ass, and Willow almost killing Dawn, and then Willow kicking her ass some more. But Buffy had forgiven Willow, and she knew that Tara had, too- without the three month absence period. Tara loved Willow just as much as Willow loved Tara, and as much as it pained Buffy to admit it, she'd never find a love like theirs. She understood why Willow had done what she'd done, and why she had brought Tara back; Buffy just wished Willow would have told her. Maybe, just maybe, there was something Buffy could have done to help prevent Willow's current predicament; help her in some way, so that when Willow had succeeded in bringing Tara back, she wouldn't be unconscious in a hospital bed like she was now.

After a long silence, Buffy looked up. Tara was still quietly crying and Buffy felt the need to comfort her. She shifted awkwardly in her seat and reached out, patting Tara's arm. "Tara, Willow's going to come back, I know it. She has to because…well, because you're here." Tara looked up at Buffy, her face solemn and quiet. "Willow will always come back to you."

* * *

><p>Giles paced the bedroom as if the floor were made of hot stones; he had one hand on his chin, the other in his pocket. He would occasionally pull his hand from the pocket, and pull of his glasses, stopping his pacing- but only for a moment, and when that moment was up, he would continue his credulous pacing.<p>

He had found all of the books Willow left on the floor, and all of the magick items she had used for the spell; he had stayed up all night reading the books, matching the symbology in them to the pentacle Willow had drawn on her bedroom floor. He had cross-referenced all the magick items with the ones Willow had used, and he had shuffled through all of her notes, trying to decipher them (as she had written them in Wiccan code, which he guessed was so that no one else could do what she'd done). Giles concluded that Willow had done thorough research; the kind that takes months- years, in fact.

He finally stopped his pacing and sat down in front of the wooden coffin still in the middle of the circle. None of it made any sense to him; Alchemy was supposed to be a dead science, fictional, not possible in this world. Sure, some of the texts Willow had referred to other worlds, or dimensions, where Alchemy was the prominent science, instead of Physics; but it wasn't supposed to work here. So how had it? How had Willow done it?

Though Giles prided himself on knowing many things, Wiccan code wasn't one- therefore, deciphering Willow's notes was harder than he had thought and he knew-_ he just knew_- the answer to everything was in her notes.

Then it hit Giles; he lifted his head as realization donned in his eyes. "Of course…" he muttered to himself, stubbornly shoving his glasses back onto his face. He stood quickly, gathering up the notes and books. "Of course, why didn't I think of it before?" he scolded himself.

He rushed out the door, Willow's notes tucked under his arm.

_Only Tara_, he thought anxiously, as he flung himself into his car, and drove off in the direction of the hospital. _Only Tara can decipher these notes now._

* * *

><p>It wasn't so bad anymore; the darkness, that is. In fact, she could even see things now. Mainly just herself, curled into a ball, rocking back and forth. She couldn't decide if either her eyes had finally adjusted, or if the darkness was actually clearing up. The one thing she knew for sure was that her mind seemed to be clearing up.<p>

Being alone in this eternal darkness had given Willow plenty of time to think. About everything. About anything. About Tara.

What she'd done. Had Tara been in heaven? Had she ripped her soul mate, her one true love, from the happiest place she'll ever be? But hadn't she been told that Tara wasn't in heaven? She had immediately thought that Tara must be in Hell, if not in Heaven, but she had also been told that no, Tara wasn't in Hell either. No, in some weird, wacked out, vision-like dream, Willow had been told that Tara's soul was trapped in a place called "The In-Between", where she was waiting for the other half of her soul- Willow's soul, in particular. Turns out, her and Tara were actual soul mates. At least, that's what Willow had been told.

And after many hours (months) of research, Willow had been almost certain it was true. She hadn't told Buffy, or anyone, about her prophetic dream, or whatever it had been; after reading a certain text Willow even had the thought that it was a higher power contacting her. There had to of been some reason as to why she was shown that; maybe Tara was needed down here on Earth.

Or maybe it had been a mistake.

That thought crossed Willow's mind once, and only once. Bringing Tara back wasn't a mistake, which Willow was sure of. She was needed, not just by Willow, but by everyone.

And that's what Willow had come to conclude, during her time sitting here alone in the darkness: Bringing Tara back was the right thing to do.

"You are ready," came a dark voice behind her.

Willow didn't move, didn't jump- after being alone in this everlasting silence and darkness for so long, nothing seemed to phase her.

"For what," she said back, her voice flat and unemotional, not really asking.

"To see the truth," the voice answered. Willow slowly turned her head, her knees still cradled to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs.

"Okay," was all she said.

* * *

><p><strong> Author's Note: <strong>Aaaaaand Chapter three! Woo! So, I know it's rather dreary right now, what with all the talking and sitting and crying, but I promise shit gets real next chapter. Please continue to R&R!


	4. Hospital Tripping

Sitting alone in the chair next to Willow's bed, Tara was finding it harder and harder to stay awake. She hadn't slept that night, maybe a few minutes, but there had been too many things on her mind. Willow, for one; Tara, herself, being dead, for another; then there was Spike, Anya, Sunnydale- all of it had plagued her mind and kept from resting for more than ten minutes or so.

As for being alone, Buffy and Xander had gone to find some food that didn't originate from the hospital cafeteria, and Giles was still at Willow's place. Dawn had gone off to school, which she had complained about the entire morning, saying that she should be here for Willow; in the end, Sister Slayer had won and Dawn had been sent off to English University.

Tara was finally almost asleep when a voice broke through her mind.

"Tara…"

Tara's head shot up and a chill went down her back. It was Willow's voice, but when she looked at her on the bed, Willow was still in as deep of a sleep as she had been.

"Tara…" came Willow's voice again. It sounded foggy and distant, like Willow was talking through a radio.

Tara turned around quickly in her chair, her hair whipping around her face. Her eyes landed on a figure standing in the door way, silhouetted by the darkness of the room. "W-Willow?" she stuttered, her voice shaking.

"Tara…" Willow's voice called again, and the figure in the door way flickered. "Tara, help me…"

Tara stood from the chair so quickly it flung to the side and knocked against the wall. Her whole body was shaking as her mind tried to grasp what was going on. "W-Willow? Wh-what's…wh-what's wrong?" she struggled to ask, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.

The figure in the doorway motioned to her, ushering her over. Tara took a wary step forward. "This way…" Willow cooed.

Tara stepped closer, and when nothing happened, continued forward. When she got a bit closer, she reached out timidly, but the figure suddenly flickered and disappeared. Tara's hand snapped back and she stiffened. "W-Willow?" she called into the thickening darkness. She could swear it was getting darker in here.

"Tara…" came Willow's voice from behind her. Tara turned sharply on her heel to face the bed-

But when she finished her spin, she wasn't in the hospital anymore; she was in a dark room, with only a haze of light coming through a curtain drawn window.

"Help me," Willow said from right beside Tara.

Tara gave a startled yelp and backed up a few steps, running into the wall. Willow looked sideways at her with sad glance, then strode forward, to the middle of the room. She kneeled on the floor and began scrubbing at it with the palm of her hand. On closer inspection, Tara noticed that the room they were in was the one she had woken up in- it was Willow's room. And the thing on the floor that Willow was scrubbing at seemed to be a large pentacle type circle. Something seemed off about it to Tara.

And there was something off about Willow. Tara took a step forward, tilting her head as she squinted at Willow. Her skin was so pale, so ghostly- so _dead_. Then it hit Tara- she could see right through Willow! She stopped in her tracks as her breath caught in her throat.

"Willow…" she breathed. "Oh, god, Willow."

Willow looked up at her, then held out her hand. Though the circle was clearly drawn with chalk, not a bit of it had come off on her hand. "I need your help, baby…" Willow called, her voice still scratchy and dim.

Tara dropped her hands and stepped closer to Willow. "H-help you?" she asked quietly, her own voice ragged. "W-w-with wh-what?"

Willow held out her hand again. "Get rid of it. All of it," she said, and gestured to the entire room. "Please."

Tara looked around and saw books, papers, and pots lying around. The coffin Tara had woken up in was also still in the room; everything was as it had been since they found Willow lying in a pool of blood, and Tara alive again.

"Tara," Willow said again, but there was something else behind her voice. "Tara."

Tara squinted and the room began to spin. Black blotches ate at her vision and she stumbled back into the wall, clutching her head with one hand and bracing the other against the wall.

"Tara," Willow called again. "Tara, wake up."

There was another voice behind Willow's, mixing with it, making Tara's head pound. "S-stop it…" Tara gasped. "Stop it!"

"Tara, wake up!"

"Tara! Tara!"

Tara's eyes shot open and she jolted up in the chair. She was shaking and covered in sweat, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Buffy's hands were on her shoulders, gripping them tightly. Tara looked up into Buffy's green eyes and swallowed hard. "B-Buffy…" she exhaled.

"Oh, thank goodness," Buffy sighed, relieved. She let go of Tara and stood up, running a hand through her hair. "You were talking in your sleep," she stated.

"Oh…" Tara said simply, shifting in her chair to sit up.

"To Willow," Buffy added on.

"Ooooh," Tara mumbled back in realization.

Buffy looked at her oddly. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I uh…I just had a weird dream," Tara said, ruffling her eyebrows a bit.

"Oh," was all Buffy said, strolling around Willow's bed, trailing her hand along the sheets as she did. "Giles is back. Him and Xander are talking outside. Says he found some notes in Willow's room. There's food, too, if you're hungry."

Tara sat up a bit straighter. "W-Willow's room?"

Buffy stopped and looked up. "Yeah. Giles says they're like, leftover from when she did the spell," she explained.

_Help me_, Willow's voice echoed in Tara's head. Tara blinked and looked down. "O-oh."

Buffy sighed and looked at Tara with a small frown. "Tara, you should really go lay down. Like, in a real bed," she said, examining the exhausted blonde. "We have a guest bedroom at the town house. You could sleep there," she suggested.

Tara was about to shake her head in refusal, when the events of her dream suddenly came back to her. _Get rid of it, _Willow had told her. _Please_.

Tara bit her bottom lip, then nodded. "Y-yeah. Okay…" she murmured quietly in return.

"Great! Well, I can drive you home. I need to pick up Dawn anyway," Buffy said cheerily. She came back around the bed and held her hand out to Tara. "Don't worry, Willow will be fine. Besides, don't you wanna be all rested and awake for when Willow finally comes back to us?"

Tara nodded slowly but didn't say anything. Instead, she took Buffy's hand and stood up with her help, the dreariness from the past day crashing down on her.

* * *

><p>When Buffy and Tara came out of the room, Xander stood up immediately. He nodded to Buffy, who smiled wearily at him, then he strode into the room. Giles was sitting at a table, shuffling through the papers he had brought from Willow's room.<p>

"Ah, Tara!" he said, a bit too excitedly. "I need you-"

"Nuh-uh," Buffy interrupted, putting up a hand. "Tara needs to go home and sleep. All questions can wait until after."

"Bu-but I need," Giles started, but Buffy held up her hand again, stopping him.

"After," she stressed, giving him a square look, pressing her lips together into a thin line. Giles closed his mouth and backed up, sitting down again.

Buffy grinned at Tara, who just smiled weakly back. "Come on, let's get you out of here before someone else decides they need us," she grumbled jokingly.

Tara nodded and the two made their way out of the hospital and headed for the car.

"So, here we are!" Buffy said, trying to sound as optimistic as possible. But it was hard, even for her, to not feel a pang of guilt and sorrow as they entered the town house. Tara stopped at the bottom of the stairs and glanced up at the door to Willow's bed room.

"The extra bedroom is down this hallway," Buffy said, tugging on Tara's arm lightly, pulling her away from the stairs. Tara turned slowly from the door and followed Buffy down the hall, staring at her feet as they walked.

"Here we are!" Buffy chirped, smiling at Tara. "Do you want me to stay here with you? I can stay, i-if you want," she said, trying to get some sort of reaction out of Tara.

Tara blinked and seemed to snap out of the sort of trance she had been in. "Wha-? Oh, no…i-i-it's okay, Buffy…" she murmured under her breath, looking away from Buffy and into the room. "I'll be f-fine."

Buffy bit her bottom lip anxiously, then backed out of the way. "O-Okay. Well, my phone number is on the fridge. If you need anything, just call, okay?" she said, looking sadly at Tara. "I'll be back later to get you once I pick up Dawn."

Tara sat down on the edge of the bed and nodded. "Yeah, okay…" she mumbled. Buffy sighed and turned away. She wanted to say something to Tara, to comfort her in some way, but couldn't quite find the right words. So she gathered herself, scrubbed her hand across her face, and headed back out to her car, off to pick up Dawn.

* * *

><p>Tara scampered to the front hallway and peered out the window, watching as Buffy backed out of the driveway and sped off. When Tara was sure that she was gone and wasn't coming back, she whirled on her heels and leapt up the stairs, taking them two at a time. When she reached the door to Willow's room, however, she froze up instantly, her muscles tensing.<p>

The door was slightly ajar, she guessed from Giles opening it earlier. Tara could hear her own breathing, and the rushing of blood through her ears; her eyes focused on the space between the door and the frame as she tried to make herself move.

_I have to_, she thought to herself. _Willow needs me to._

She found herself lifting her hands and placing them flat against the door, and with no effort at all, pushing it open. It creaked loudly on it hinges and stopped when it was fully open.

Tara stepped into the room, her entire body shaking; her hair fell in her face and she quickly reached up, pushing it behind her ears. She stopped when she came up next to the coffin. Most of the papers she had seen in her dream with Willow were gone- but the circle was still there and so was everything else. Broken pots, candles, and chalk lay scattered around the floor. All the furniture was shoved up against the walls, the bed overturned, the mattress, sheets, and blankets spilled across the floor. But the circle was pristine, as was the coffin; it was a secret mess no one was trying to hide.

Slowly, Tara sank to her knees, staring at the coffin. Though she had no memory of it, Tara felt a certain connection to the wooden box in front of her. She traced the edges with her fingers and felt the smooth ebony oak beneath her skin. A chill ran up her back and she shook herself from her trance.

_Better get this done now, before Buffy gets back,_ she thought urgently, and began looking around for something to throw everything away in, when a book caught her eye- it was a book of spells.

For the first time since Tara had woken up from being dead, a quirky smile tugged at her lips.

* * *

><p>"Red witch," came the voice again. "Are you ready to see?"<p>

Willow was still sitting with her knees tucked into her chest, forehead resting against her arms. She lifted her head slowly, her eyes already adjusted to the darkness. "See what," she asked flatly. A hand, coated in swirling darkness, reached over her shoulder and tapped the air in front of her. A ripple spread out from the center, and formed a rectangular outline in front of her. Something flickered inside of it, then a picture began to form.

Willow dropped her hands and tilted her head, squinting at the screen in front of her. The hand withdrew back into the shadows, but Willow hardly noticed- she was focused on the image appearing on the floating screen in front of her.

"T…Tara?" she breathed.

"I will allow you, now, to watch those you are bound to, down on earth."

Willow reached out, her eyes wide with sorrow, and tried to touch the screen; but her hand went right through the image, disrupting it. She withdrew her hand quickly, afraid it would make the screen disappear, as well as the image of her long, lost, lover.

"What is she doing?" Willow asked, inflection melding back into her voice. "What is Tara doing?"

"I sent her a message," the voice confirmed. Willow turned around to look at the source of the voice, but only came face to face with darkness, a tall figure barely outlined within it. "I asked her to dispose of the evidence you left behind."

Willow turned back around to look at the screen. She reached out, but this time didn't touch the screen; instead, she caressed the air around it. "You're so cruel," she said sadly, tears breaking her voice.

The voice seemed taken aback by this, and didn't say anything for a long while. "She wanted to see you; I only gave her, her heart's desire."

Willow blinked some of her tears away and shook her head dismally. "What you gave her wasn't real."

The voice didn't reply; at some point, it must have left, but Willow hadn't noticed, nor cared. She was just focused on the small screen in front of her, broadcasting an overhead view of her blonde-haired lover.

"Tara…"

* * *

><p>Buffy slowed to a stop next to the curb. She rolled down the window and looked around for Dawn; college kids rustled around the campus, coming out of the main building and heading home for the day. But so far, no sign of Dawn.<p>

After a few minutes, Buffy rolled the window back up and unbuckled her seat belt. She was about ready to go look for Dawn herself when the door swung open. Buffy jumped a little as Dawn slid into the car without even looking at her.

"There you are," she said accusingly. Dawn threw her backpack on the floor and folded her arms.

"I was talking to someone," she said icily back.

Buffy blinked at her, ready to retort, then just shook her head and buckled herself back up. She didn't have time for arguing with Dawn; getting Tara, and getting back to the hospital was more important. When Buffy didn't say anything back, Dawn turned her head to look at her, her arms still crossed tightly over her chest, a sallow expression on her face.

"Aren't you going to yell at me or something?" she sneered.

Buffy turned the keys and the ignition jumped to life. Without glancing at Dawn, Buffy checked to make sure the road was clear and pulled off, heading back towards the house.

"You hungry? We could stop and get you something. The food Xander and I got earlier is probably gone by now," she finally said, focusing on the road in front of her.

Dawn raised an eyebrow in confusion, letting her arms drop a little. "You're not mad?"

"Of course I'm mad," Buffy responded flatly, still not looking at Dawn. "Tara's at home sleeping. Let's get you some food, then we can grab her."

Dawn relaxed her arms and exhaled in relief. "Okay…" she whispered back quietly.

Buffy glanced at Dawn out of the corner of her eye- she knew that Dawn understood now, that there was no point in arguing. Other things were more important right now.

* * *

><p>"I don't understand these at all, Giles," Xander huffed. "They look like cooking recipes, to me."<p>

Giles had his glasses in one hand, chewing on the tips of them, his other hand holding up his head as he read and re-read the scrambled notes he had taken from Willow's room. "Just…keep looking, Xander. There has to be some sort of clue in these."

Xander leaned back and set the papers down on the table next to him. "I thought you said only Tara could decipher them."

Giles looked up, lifting his head from his hand. "Yes, well, Tara's not here right now, now is she Xander?" he shot, some of his pent up frustration leaking through.

Xander held up his hands. "Woah, sorry G-man," he muttered and picked up his stack of papers again. "So, what exactly am I looking for?"

Giles looked at Xander again, with a blank expression. "Um, well, a,anything of relevance," he said, then tried to refocus on the book he was reading. It was one of Willow's larger texts on Alchemy. So far, none of it made sense to Giles. He knew about the Alchemy which conceived of the principle of turning metals into gold, but never something like this. This book claimed that Alchemy was the transmuting of molecules into other molecules. It had laws, the main one being equivalent exchange- one cannot make something out of nothing, in short.

It baffled Giles. This was impossible. And yet, there Tara was, as almost infallible proof that it had worked, that it was possible.

"Oooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!" Xander exclaimed, snapping Giles from his thought. He pointed at the papers and Giles felt a sense of anxiety creep into his bones. "There's a great recipe for baked ziti! I've been looking for one of these!"

Giles groaned loudly and dropped his head into his hands. "Dammit, Xander. Will you please quit messing around!" he shouted, snapping the book closed. He stood up quickly. "I'm going to get some water," and stormed out of sight.

Xander stared after Giles, then let out a loud groan and flopped back into the chair. "Willow, what were you thinking?" he grumbled. "Why not just take regular notes like all the other kids?"

"Xander?" came Buffy's voice, making Xander jump and drop all his papers. He swiveled in his chair to face her.

"Jesus, Buffy. You scared me half to death," he said through gritted teeth. He looked around, but she was alone. "I thought you were picking up Dawn and Tara?"

Buffy came around the bench to sit next to Xander; she flopped down and put her face in her hands. "They went to see Willow."

Xander looked at her with confused eyes. "Oh," he muttered. Buffy reached down and picked up one of the papers that Xander had dropped.

"Blueberry muffins?" she said suddenly and sat up a bit. "What are you and Giles doing? Preparing for a banquet?"

Xander picked up the rest of them and shrugged. "Nope. These are Willow's notes Giles found."

"Oh," Buffy said, staring blankly.

"That was my reaction, too," Xander grumbled and slammed the papers down on the table. "It's stupid. Giles says that only Tara or Willow can decipher these, and then hands me a stack. Who does he think I am? Tillow?"

Buffy chuckled a bit. "No, Xander. Giles knows that, but he wants to do everything he can to help Willow. I think he feels partially responsible for what happened…I, I kinda know how that feels." She finished quietly.

Xander let out a soft breath and put a hand on Buffy's back. "Buffy, this isn't your fault. And it's not Giles's fault either. It's no one's fault. Willow decided to do this on her own."

"It doesn't feel that way," she muttered back.

Xander sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing Buffy's back softly. "I know it doesn't, but you can't think that way, Buff. Willow wouldn't want you to. She obviously knew what she was getting herself into or she wouldn't have left behind these notes," he reassured her, and picked up the stack again. He pulled the top few papers off and held them in front of Buffy. "Care to join me? I'm sure we can find some nice recipes to trade."

At that, Buffy smiled. She took the stack gratefully and leaned back, taking comfort in the fact that there was something she could do instead of sit around worrying about Willow.

Although, in the back of her mind she was still worried that Willow might not ever wake up. Or worse.

* * *

><p>"Any changes, doctor?" Dawn asked as the doctor came in to Willow's room; she and Tara were standing by her bedside when the doctor had arrived.<p>

The doctor just shook his head. "None thus far. But she isn't getting worse," he confirmed, flipping through the manila folder he had in his hands.

"Th-that's good, right?" Tara said from across the room. The doctor looked over his glasses at Tara, before closing the folder and giving a disgruntled huff.

"For now. But if she's ever going to wake up, we'll need her brain activity to improve first," he said with a sad sigh before turning to leave the room. "If you ladies need anything, just ask." Then he was gone, out the door, and Tara and Dawn were left in silence again.

"This is…my fault," Tara said after a long time, her voice permeating the silence of the room like a dagger into flesh. Dawn looked up quickly, repressing an immediate response.

She bit her bottom lip. Honestly, no one knew whose fault it was. "No, no of course not," Dawn finally answered, deciding that comforting the grieving blonde was the better option than honesty. "Tara, it's really not. Willow-"

"Everyone keeps saying that," Tara interrupted, looking at Willow with empty eyes. "That it was Willow's choice, but…W-willow only had to make that choice because I was d-dead. So it's my fault."

"Well, if you're going by that logic, then actually, it's Warren's fault!" Dawn said, smiling proudly to herself at her logic. She adjusted in her spot, then instantly stopped smiling when Tara gave her a saddened look. "But really, it's not your fault."

Tara reached out and caressed Willow's unscarred cheek. Luckily, she had been healing up nice, but each day she seemed to be getting paler and paler. Soon enough, she'd be as white as the sheets she was laying on. "I hope not…" Tara murmured.

* * *

><p>"Let me talk to her!" Willow shouted into the nothingness. "What you did…what you showed her! It was my only way back! How could you do that!" she whirled in the darkness, tears falling from her eyes. They would be clouding her vision, but there was nothing to see. "Hey, are you listening to me? Answer me! Who are you?"<p>

A chill went past Willow and she stopped whirling instantly. A hand reached out from the darkness, grabbing her by the throat and stopping her frantic movements. "Calm down, Red Witch. If you wish to know, I shall tell you." The shadow stepped forward, causing Willow to take a step back in turn. He released his hold on her and she slowly sank down to her knees. "Now tell me what is it you wish to know? One question at a time."

Willow swallowed hard.

* * *

><p>After a few more minutes, Tara decided to finally leave Willow's room and seek out Giles. He probably still needed her to look at Willow's notes and see if she could make any sense out of them. Honestly, Tara didn't think she would be able to. Willow's mind just worked in ways Tara could never even fathom; even with how close they'd been before everything happened, Tara had always felt like Willow was on another plane with the way her mind worked.<p>

Sighing doubtfully, Tara made her way back into the lounge and looked around for Giles. There was no sign of the watcher, but she did spot Buffy and Xander. A feeling like stones dropping into her stomach overcame Tara and she almost turned back, when Buffy spotted her.

"Tara!" she chirped, standing up.

Tara turned back around slowly, waving awkwardly to the two, dipping her head. "H-hey," she muttered back. Xander didn't say anything, just kept examining the papers in front of him. Buffy ignored him ignoring Tara and strode over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, how you feeling?" she asked, trying to insert some normalcy into everyone's day. "How was Willow? Any changes?"

Tara shrugged her hand off and rubbed her arm nervously. "I-I'm o-okay…I guess," she said quietly, walking around Buffy and over to Xander and the pile of notes. "And no, no changes."

Without saying anything, Xander handed Tara a stack of papers. Buffy ruffled her brow, disgruntled, and settled herself between the two. "So we're trying to decipher Willow's notes. Think you can help us?" Nodding, Tara took the papers and looked at the sheet on top, tilting her head confusedly. Buffy gave her a half-shrug. "We don't get it either. So either Willow was making a great recipe stock, or she really wanted to hide something."

Tara shook her head. "W-Willow wasn't trying to h-h-hide anything," she said plainly, flipping through the sheets. "That's n-n-not how her mind w-works."

Xander blinked accusingly. "Then why'd she go all Miss Muffin Man and leave us recipes?" he shot. Tara clicked her jaw shut, pressing her lips into a thin line, before clearing her throat to answer, obviously ticked at Xander's rudeness.

"They're actual recipes f-for spells. Each ingredient i-is an equivalent to a spell ingredient," she explained. "A-any upper level wiccan would recognize it. I-I'm surprised Giles didn't…" she concluded, looking slightly confusedly at the papers. Buffy stiffened up, giving a pensive, knowing look.

"Yeah, I wonder…" she said to herself, though loudly enough that Xander and Tara could hear. Buffy was never good at concealing her spoken thoughts, or talking quietly enough to herself. Tara chuckled half-heartedly and grabbed a pen, scribbling on the notes.

"Th-the thing that gets me is why she'd write them l-like this…we've never done it before. I mean, at least, wh-when we practiced spells together and stuff…" Tara stuttered, staring curiously at the papers as she translated the baked goods recipes into spell ingredients.

Tara flipped the page after finishing transcribing it, and started on a page that had a very messy word written in Latin on top. It looked oddly like the word 'Human'.

As Tara related each ingredient in the recipe for angel food cake, a sudden realization hit her, just as she finished writing the word carbon. The pen dropped from her hand like lead and she shoved the papers on her lap away so quickly they went scattering around the floor. Both Buffy and Xander jumped at Tara's sudden actions, worriedly asking her questions: what had she found? What was it? Was it something bad?

"Human," Tara breathed, the word barely escaping past her agape lips.

"Human? What about humans, or, a-a human?" Buffy asked hurriedly, her hands on either of Tara's shoulders, gripping tighter. "Tara, talk to me! What did you find!"

Tara blinked, her eyes wide and shivering, and looked up into Buffy's determined and worried stare.

"Human ingredients. Willow made a list…of all the ingredients to make…a human."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>So, yay, chapter 4! I finally broke my curse and got more than 3 chapters of a fic published! Already cause to celebrate. Anyway, this chapter was actually way long, so I broke it upinto two different chapters. Next chapter we get a special guest~ Please continue to R&R I love hearing from all of you!


	5. Getting Down To Business

"Who are you?"

It was a simple question, asked into the blinding darkness that didn't seem so blinding anymore; no answer.

"Where am I? What is this place?"

Echoes in her ears, like a thousand voices whispering back to her- still no answer.

"Why am I here?"

Another attempt. This time, an answer came.

"Did you not will it so?" It was the mysterious voice, as bland and blank and unnerving as the darkness it spoke from.

Willow swallowed the lump in her throat. "I…I just wanted to bring Tara back. At any cost! Even my soul…"

"An exchange was made."

Willow perked up. "You mean…is this where Tara was? Wh-when she died? She didn't…go to heaven?" Her voice was small now, barely squeaking out past a sob.

"An incomplete soul cannot pass through the gate, only wait beyond it. An incomplete soul cannot ascend."

It somehow made sense to her. "Tara was stuck here…because of me. Because she, her soul, we…" she stuttered, a river of salt water flowing down her cheeks.

"As I told you before, your soul and Tara Maclay's are connected. You are soul mates. The attachment her soul had to yours was not broken, even in death, and she was therefore un-allowed to pass into the beyond."

Willow put her face in her hands, tears leaking into her palms. "So it was you…in my dreams. You told me about Tara, a-about the Alchemy…about how to…b-bring her back."

Then impending silence; it lasted forever; it lasted two seconds; it lasted a few hours. Willow finally lifted her head. "Who are you?"

"Veritas."

* * *

><p>"And you're sure," Giles said once again, looking Tara straight in the eyes, "th-that this is a list of the ingredients one would need to make a, uh, human?"<p>

Tara nodded stiffly, still in shock from the information as well. Giles made a humming noise low in his throat and leaned back, putting his glasses back on.

"Incredible," he breathed. Tara craned her neck to look at him from under a waterfall of blonde hair, cocking an eye brow.

Giles ran a hand through his hair; Xander, Buffy, and Dawn had all gone to check up on Willow, so it was just the two. Giles reached out slowly and touched Tara's arm. She stared down at his fingers.

"She made me," Tara finally said. "Th-this body. She made it…d-didn't she?"

Giles shook his head. "No, no. I, I believe she simply, uh, fixed it up, I suppose is the best way to describe it."

Tara shivered. "So it's…me, but…n-n-not?"

Giles squinted and formed an 'O' shape with his mouth, before rubbing the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. "It's you, regenerated. Willow, uh, Willow dug up your body, and seems to have, uh, regenerated it. That would explain all the healing spells, and the urns." The last part was mainly a note to himself.

Tara was still stiff; she didn't know what to think of the newly acquired information. She stared at her hands for a long moment, clenching and unclenching her fists, as if she could not feel them; but she could. "I…rotted."

Giles looked up from the papers then, chewing on the tips of his glasses. "I'm sorry, what?" he asked, having been lost in thought. Tara bit her bottom lip.

"If Willow had to…remake my b-body…that means I…rotted…my body…" she repeated. Giles was silent. How was anyone supposed to react to that? He cleared his throat.

"Well, yes, I suppose. You were dead for two years," he answered, trying to sound as calm about it as he could. The poor girl was probably so upset, he didn't need to further her stress and worry.

Tara looked up then. "And my soul?"

Giles furrowed his brow. "Uh, what about, your soul?" he asked nervously, giving Tara a pensive look.

"Did she make that, too?"

To her and Giles's surprise, there was resent in her voice. The words came out harshly, snapping through the air like scissors to a tight wire. Tara immediately recoiled and hugged herself, withdrawing into her mind. "S-sorry…I didn't…I mean…."

"No," Giles said firmly. "I believe Willow retrieved your soul…from wherever it was."

A visible sigh of relief escaped Tara's taught body. She gave Giles her best attempt at a smile. "Th-thanks."

He nodded, then looked back down to the papers.

_But how?_

* * *

><p>Buffy sat next to her sister as they watched the doctor examine Willow; he took her vitals, her temperature, and her blood pressure. Then he set about readjusting her oxygen tank, life support, and heart rate monitor. Buffy felt a pang of grief roll across her chest and she suddenly felt very much like vomiting. She stood quickly and raced into the bathroom. In all her years as a Slayer, she'd seen many gory things- demons, sliced up demons, dying demons, oozing demons, spitting demons, demon guts, demon viscera, demon blood, demon brains- but the sight of her friend, lying half-dead in a hospital bed, with no idea what happened or why or how, and no way to help or make it even slightly better, got to Buffy like nothing ever had before. She leaned over the toilet and let the empty contents of her stomach pour into the bowl. It tasted like bile and spit. Buffy dry-heaved at the thought, and felt her body weakening.<p>

She hated hospitals. They never helped anyone; they just pumped people up full of drugs until their symptoms went away, then called 'em good and sent 'em home. She shivered and sank to the floor, clutching the toilet bowl. Someone knocked on the bathroom door to ask how she was.

"F-fine," she croaked, her throat sore from the heaving and dry heaving. Whoever it was walked away, clearly unsatisfied with her answer, but unable or unwilling to ask further. After a few more minutes, Buffy crawled over to the sink and pulled herself up, running the cold water. She watched it pour from the tap, entranced by the simple act of water rushing through a pipe; she had to physically tear her gaze away from it, and splashed some of the freezing cold liquid onto her face. Wiping her face with a towel, she took in a deep breath, then opened the door and made her way back to Willow's bed; the red-head slept as she had before Buffy had been sick. The way she'd been for several days now. Buffy shivered as she sat down in the chair, and just then realized the room was empty save for her, her unconscious best friend, and the machines that were keeping her alive.

"W-Will…" she spoke quietly into the distilled room. "Willow? Can you hear me? I mean, well, not like you could reply but…what else am I supposed to say?" She stopped as if waiting for a response. Nothing. "Willow…you have to wake up now. It's not your choice anymore. There…There's people here who need you. Dawn, Tara, Xander…" Buffy went quiet again, biting her lower lip. "Me. Will, _I_ need you—"

The sound of the door opening cut Buffy off, and she sat up, scrubbing the back of her hand across her eyes to wipe the reminiscent tears away. Turning, she watched as Dawn and Tara slipped into the room quietly. Everyone was always so quiet in the room, as if they were all afraid they'd wake Willow. Which was stupid, considering that's what they wanted, for Willow to wake up. Maybe it was just polite, to be so quiet around a comatose patient; Buffy wasn't really sure on these things. She turned back around to look at Willow as Dawn came to sit next to her and Tara took her seat across from the two, under the window. The blinds were drawn half way, and through them, Buffy could see the glittering night lights of London. She should be out there, patrolling, keeping the streets safe, helping out the hundreds of girls who were now Slayers—but instead she was frozen to her spot, stuck in this chair like someone had glued her there.

The silence was getting overwhelming and Buffy cleared her throat. But before she could get a word in edgewise, the door swung open again—less quietly this time. Everyone in the room (save Willow) turned to look at the new comer.

Kennedy.

* * *

><p>"What…what happened?"<p>

Everyone was silent, staring. Kennedy's small frame in the doorway didn't match her large and in charge attitude. "What happened to her?" she repeated, taking a step forward. Still, no one spoke, so she took another step forward.

Buffy took the initiative and stood up, facing the younger Slayer. "Kennedy, what're you doing here?"

"Giles called me," she stated simply, staring in shock at her ex-lover, still and sickly on the bed. "What happened?"

Buffy wasn't sure if she should feel relieved or worried that Kennedy hadn't noticed Tara sitting opposite of them. "Kennedy, just calm down. There was an accident," Buffy tried to explain, "Involving magic."

That's when Buffy felt just as much as she saw, the realization in Kennedy's eyes. Her muddy-chocolate gaze lifted and hovered on Tara's form, who was staring wide-eyed at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

"You," her voice was low, rumbling; dark. "You did this. You did this!" Kennedy suddenly erupted, like a volcano that had been dormant for hundreds of year. "YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS YOU DID THIS!" she screamed, striding forward so quickly the bedside table was launched to the side. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT!" she screamed at the blonde across the room from her, who was clearly trying to fend off a landslide of tears and guilt. "YOU DID THIS TO HER! YOU DID THIS-"

WHAM!

Kennedy reeled back from Buffy's fist connecting with her face. She was frozen in shock- one) from the surprise of the punch, and two) well, from the punch itself. Tara whimpered, a small sob escaping her lips. Kennedy's eyes went from Buffy, to Tara, to her unconscious ex-girlfriend on the bed. She sucked in a breath; if not for the Elder Slayer glaring her down Kennedy would have been yelling again. But Kennedy was not afraid to admit that she was, in fact, frightened of the older girl in front of her. Buffy was the original Slayer in the massive line of Potentials Turned Slayer; she had years of experience on her, daily battles, struggles, losses. Kennedy could never amount to the Slayer that Buffy was, and she knew that. She'd lost track of how many times Buffy had saved the world.

"Get out," came Buffy's voice, like a hiss, sounding both on fire and cold as ice. Kennedy felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and she looked back at Willow before wrenching her eyes away.

"Fine," Kennedy snapped after a while, then turned and stomped from the room like a child sentenced to time-out. "But I'm not leaving." And slammed the door shut.

* * *

><p>"Kennedy…"<p>

Willow had nearly forgotten about her. It made her feel raw and empty and terrible—oh so terrible. They hadn't broken up that long ago. Or had they? She'd lost track of time here.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she murmured, stroking the tan-skinned girl's face on the floating image before her. It was lonely here, just sitting and watching and doing nothing. Sometimes she wondered where Veritas wandered off to when he wasn't here. Other times she thought about following him.

But she never did. She never moved, too transfixed by the scenes playing out in front of her. By the mourning of her friends and her lover, and now, her ex-lover. She wanted to go back to that life so badly, instead of suffering here. But she'd made a deal, and Veritas wasn't about to go back on it.

"Oh," came the chilling voice of her shadow-y counterpart, "I wouldn't be so sure of that."

Tara was still frozen in her seat, even after Kennedy had left. Dawn and Buffy had mumbled some mis-forgivings, obviously to help Tara feel better, or at least not bad about what had just happened.

But Kennedy was right. It was Tara's fault, it had to be.

Out of the corner of her eye, Tara saw Dawn inching her way over to her. But before she had a chance to put a hand on her shoulder, Tara was up and out of her chair, and nearly flying out of the room she was running so fast. She ran past Giles and Xander and Kennedy, sitting in the lobby; she ran past the hospital entrance, where people milled about quietly, so late at night; she ran past the street and past the cars and past the buildings, until she couldn't breathe anymore and nothing looked familiar and her head felt like it was going to explode.

She collapsed to her hands and knees, gasping for breath through the hot tears that poured down her cheeks. Clutched at her chest with one hand, clawing at the aching feeling deep inside her ribcage. It was her fault, it was all her fault. All the sufferings Willow had gone through in the past two years were her fault. Somehow, she knew that it seemed stupid and foolish to blame herself, but she couldn't help it. Kennedy was right—this was Tara's fault. It had to be her fault. It was someone's fault, someone was to blame for this mess of a disaster, and despite what any of her friends had told her, it was her fault. It had to be. Who else's fault could it be? They couldn't blame Willow for just wanting to bring back someone she loved. They couldn't fault her for trying to restore the only thing that ever made her feel whole. What a grip Tara had on Willow. She'd never realized it before, but she had Willow hook, line, and sinker. No ifs, ands, or buts. Not even hearing that Willow had nearly destroyed the Earth after losing Tara had she realized what a hold she had over the red-head.

But here, now, curled over on the grassy bank of a riverside, in the middle of London, she did realize it.

She wasn't sure how long she was out there, but by the time she looked up, the sky was beginning to trickle with the light of dawn. Shit! The others must be worried sick about her! Struggling to lift herself up, weak from the hours spent curled up on the ground, she teetered on unstable feet. Her head felt light and weary, and she questioned when the last time she ate was. She needed to get back to the hospital, check on Willow. She needed to make things right. Though she wasn't sure how she was going to do that yet, she knew that that was what she had to do. Make things right.

After a bit of wandering around uselessly, still unable to recognize any of her surroundings, Tara sunk onto a bench, clutching her aching stomach. As she stared down into her lap, her mind drifted in and out of focus. She really needed to find the others. Using a payphone would do her no good when she didn't know anyone's phone number, or even the name of the hospital. That put asking people for directions out of the question as well. How could she have been so stupid?

It hit her then, that she could just do a spell. A simple tracking spell! Of course! Pulling her arms away from her abdomen, she stared hesitantly at her palms for a second. It had been two years since she'd done any magic, and even if her body hadn't aged, it still hadn't practiced in that long. But it was a simple spell, and she needed to do it. Pulling her jacket off, she placed her hands on top of it. Lucky for her, it was one of Willow's jackets, and it was just what she needed to track the others back to the hospital.

Closing her eyes, Tara allowed the energies inside of her to flow freely. She let it mix in her chest, her heart, her head, then flow down her arms and out her fingertips as she muttered the incantation for the tracking spell. At first, it seemed to be working. A light emanated from the jacket, pulsing, and a small orb floated up. Tara smiled at it, watched as it danced around her head for a moment, before heading off in the opposite direction, showing her the way.

But as Tara went to stand, the light from the jacket suddenly flickered and turned a sour black. Glancing down at it, Tara watched as some sort of pentagram etched itself onto the jacket, like an omen. But that certainly wasn't like any pentagram she'd seen- though it still seemed oddly familiar. Yanking her hands away, the jacket fell to the ground, just as a spark ignited and a wave of magick backlash shoved Tara back down onto the bench.

Her back slammed into the seat and the force of the wave knocked the whole bench over, as well as a nearby trash can. The glass panes on the telephone booth all shattered inwards, and people reeled back in fear.

Rubbing her head, Tara scrambled away from the bench and stood back up, even more unsteady than before.

"Tara!"

Her head whipped to the side to see Buffy and Dawn running towards her.

"There you are! Thank god we found you!" Dawn called out, racing straight up to her and hugging her tightly. Tara stumbled slightly, but wrapped her own arms back around Dawn.

"S-sorry, I just…I guess I just freaked a little."

Buffy caught up, a tired smile on her face. "We looked all night for you."

"O-oh. Sorry, a-again."

"It's really no big, I'm just glad you're okay," Buffy answered, patting Tara on the shoulder. "Although, what was that just now?"

Looking from Buffy to the minorly destroyed park bench, Tara found she really didn't have an answer. "I…I'm not sure, e-entirely. I tried to do a tracking spell t-to find you, and then…" she pointed towards the rubble. "There was backlash. I-I guess I'm just rusty."

She wasn't sure Buffy entirely bought her story, but if she hadn't, she wasn't saying anything. With a sigh, Buffy pried Dawn away from Tara. "C'mon, let's get back to the hospital. The doctor said he needed to talk to us."

* * *

><p>"What…What do you mean?" Willow's voice was heavy but calm.<p>

She knew he was there somewhere, but he hadn't shown himself. He was hiding in the shadows again, blending in with the very darkness that he spawned from. "What if I said I can make it so that you can freely go between the realms?"

"Realms?" Willow repeated quietly. He'd never said that word before, and she hadn't thought to really ask what this place was—_where_ this place was. Was it some sort of in between? Some mirror of Purgatory?

"The realm of the living, and the realm of the dead, of course."

The realization hit Willow like a wave of bricks. She never remembered needing to breathe here, but suddenly her breath was gone from her and she reeled over, palms pressed flat again the floor. "So I am…"

The atmosphere shifted around her and her head snapped up quickly, only to find Veritas' shadowy figure looming before her. "This is place where souls come to die."

* * *

><p>Giles wasn't sure what to think of the slumbering witch anymore. She'd successfully brought a human back to life, one who had died of natural causes. It was against the laws of nature—not only that, but of physics, of humanity, or <em>morality<em>. How had she fallen so far without him noticing? He'd thought she was better, after being sent to the Coven. After helping to save the entire world by invoking the Slayer spell.

And something wasn't right here.

He'd always been magically acute, but now he couldn't feel a thing. Couldn't sense a thing in Willow. Either she'd been drained of her magicks, or they were somehow being blocked. None of it made sense. And every time he'd tried to use magic in the past days, to either peer into Willow's mind, or heal the scarred flesh on her body, he'd come up empty. Not really empty, though—but cold. The magic inside him felt dark and heavy and, to say the least, gross. Like black sludge running through his veins, instead of the natural energies of the Earth.

Something was wrong with the magicks on Earth. And it had to do with what Willow did.

It had to do with this 'Alchemy'.

* * *

><p>Kennedy was alone with Xander in the waiting room, trying to focus on the Highlights magazine in her hands rather than the fact that Tara was in the room with Willow and not her. Xander had been going back through the papers Giles left behind, but he'd fallen asleep a while ago, since they'd all spent the entire night looking for Tara. Thinking about it, Kennedy felt a bit bad about yelling, but at the same time, who else's fault could it be? Biting her lip, she knew she needed to apologize.<p>

Folding her magazine back up, she set it on the table in the center of the room and skirted past Xander quietly, careful not to wake him. She came to a stop outside Willow's door, hand on the door knob, ready to open it. She'd never been frightened or scared of anything in her life, but right now she felt more scared than she ever could have imagined. What if they kicked her out? Made her leave? What if Willow never woke up and she was never able to tell the red-head how she really felt? How sorry she was? How she would have been okay just being friends, but that she still wanted—_needed_—the girl in her life?

Just as she pulled away to head back, the knob turned under her palm and opened inward, and in the next second, Kennedy was standing face to face with Tara.

"Kennedy?" came the blonde girl's raspy voice. She shuffled out the door and closed it behind her.

"Oh, Tara, hi. I…" Kennedy backed up, rubbing a hand on the back of her head. "I just came to…Look, I—" she took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. About what I said. Earlier."

Tara's expression softened, though Kennedy could still see the thick bags under her eyes. She looked just as bad as Willow did. "Kennedy, it's—"

But before Tara could finish, a loud beeping interrupted them. It was coming from inside the room. Both their eyes bulged and they looked at each other with knowing.

Willow.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> So here we are, a year later, and I'm uploading! Wow! Such author! So write! I do formally apologize for the absence, I was having a tough time. But guess what!? Muse is back and the story is kickin'! This chapter is shorter than the others, but it sets up for the main plot, so hold onto your seats ladies and gentlebutts! It's about to get bumpy~


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